2022 has been a challenging, unpredictable and painful year in so many ways. A year marked by illness after illness, I’d be justified in feeling the year was a series of starts and stops, stood and starts.

But, I’ve also managed to enjoy some wonderful experiences along the way, especially towards the back end of the year which I spent planning and organising in the first half of the year, while fighting illness after illness. There’s something to be said about dreaming on paper and best laid plans and all that.

2022 was the year of letting go and getting better. I have to believe this to move forward.

My word for 2022 was ‘open’. I know now that I needed this word and focus as a stepping stone, as necessary piece in the process of getting to where I am today, on the eve of 2023. Remaining open, percolating in the background of my attitudes, behaviours and being, meant that I was moving in the right direction even if it has been difficult at times to remain open and honest and trusting.

The pulling away from certain people and situations has been necessary. The release bringing about an end which can also be treated as a new beginning.

I feel a lot has changed about me this year, the most important one being my deepening understanding about this healing journey I’m on. In order to heal, I need to go through the necessary grieving, allowing myself to feel all the feels without the guilt or judgement or trying to hurry the process along. I’m learning.

I know I’m also quicker and more able to stand up for myself now. I choose me more times than not these days and this is a welcoming change and practice. It happens, this choosing of myself, not without guilt and doubts and feelings of uncomfortableness but I write it out.

My creativity, whether that be pen to page, paint to paper, or cut and stick, supports me on this journey for which I am grateful. These conversations I have with myself through the creative process are invaluable being life saving and supportive.

As I see in the new year, new priorities are surfacing. Such as healing, going even more slow and resting. Rest is resistance even as I waste time and energy resisting these changes. But I’m a work in progress, finding non-traditional ways to {BE}, heal and push against the system.

I heard someone recently describe themselves as the matriarch of healing in their lineage. Being the first person in their family who is doing the necessary work to heal themselves as well as for those who came before them and who will come after them. I take this title on for myself and the journey and task I’m on.

I will explore this healing journey further as I move slowly into 2023. Choosing me. No longer playing small, planning on becoming large.