While waiting for the shower to run from cold to hot, I think of three things I’m grateful for today:
I’m grateful for CoCo ( mini convertible borrowing from a dear friend) because it got me places I didn’t to get to today. All in one piece.
I’m grateful for the warm oat milk poured over Weetabix, with chilled blueberries and chocolate sauce. Comfort food.
I’m grateful for the chance to see my daughter today as I dropped off a book with her after school before she went on to her dad’s.
Today I am grateful for the light
Today I am grateful for the rest
Today I am grateful for the food
Today I am grateful for the company
Today I am grateful for the love
the space to breathe. Breath in and breath out.
the energy to move my body in order to gain more energy.
my scarf, hat and gloves and coat.
the money in my pocket to buy a to coffee
the sea, the waves, the seagulls, the rocks; my kin
To spiral is a magical course. One that we can journey on forever.
In the process of becoming whole.
Reconnecting with self, is a circling within. To listen.
Hear your inner wisdom, allow this voice to spiral outwards.
Show up in all your fucked up glory. Access how you are received.
Reflect on the experiences by spiralling back inside.
Turn each event and memory like amber up into the light.
See each crevice, each scar, each deep rooted lesson.
Regroup, patch up and offer yourself grace as you spiral back out into the world.
Rearmoured and ready to reconnect with the world on your own terms.
Spiralling in and out is the plan for change. Is a sign of love.
I see you, white blossom.
I feel your softness and gentle caress-petals.
Hanging, heavy bell-like clusters of white,
delicate to the touch as well as to the nose.
I taste your thirst for life, to cling on,
as your prime is short-lived, ephemeral
but no less spectacular. Thank you,
sweet one, for blazing white-bright
in my line of sight, that my heartswells
with awe and wonder and love. For you.
For this world. For we share this glory
through our true nature.
I’ve been leaning into my gratitude practice, but sometimes I’ve forgotten and let the simple task of listing one thing per day for which I am grateful for, slide.
What can I say, habits are made to be broken as well as upheld. And the bad habits always seem to be the ones we hold onto. While those habits that can actually benefit us and bring some joy, peace and happiness into our lives, we fuck up!
Gratitude is one of them. Gratitude helps people feel more positive about their lives. It fosters positive emotions as people reflect and savour and relish good experiences and events and relationships.
Gratitude improves people’s health and makes them more satisfied with what they have rather than focusing time and energy and regret on what they do not have.
It’s been proven that being more grateful makes you happier.
Well I could always do with being happier. Everyone could. And that is not to say that I’m not grateful for the life I have, the life I’m living and the people in it. But I could do with a reminder and become more consistent in my appreciation and gratitude.
Hence the next 28 days of gratitude. Holding myself to account in order to re-engage with this positive habit and hold on to happiness.
I want to wring out as much gratitude for each experience and happening and being in my life as I can. As life is a gift but sometimes I forget. So today we begin again.
It’s day one of my gratitude practice.
Today I am grateful for the lie in I managed to have before being woke up.
But I’m not complaining as I was woke up by Miss Ella for a cuddle. I’m grateful for my morning cuddle in bed with my daughter.
I’m grateful today for the hot black fresh brewed coffee that helped me wake up fully and engage with the day.
I’m grateful to have completed a big application and submitted it today and it helped to have company while completing this work.
I’m grateful for the time I got to be alone and focus on the tasks I had to complete today and not be distracted or interrupted.
I’m grateful today for the chocolate I managed to stuff into my face after said application was complete and I could rest
I’m grateful to be able to lie in bed now, warm and sleepy and write this gratitude list without having to think too hard about what or who I am grateful for today because I have ample choices to draw upon to share.
You have a choice.
Like the dandelion
flowering within the edge
of a verge or between pavement slabs,
you have a choice.
Arousal. Finding joy
in life, is not something
someone else can give to you.
You must take it.
Like breathing.
Like the tulips coming
up for air, right here. Right now.
You have a choice.
An electric current swirling
always, through you.
Between you and the cherry blossom
bursting into pink glory.
To live from this bounty,
you have a choice.
Commentary: years ago I wrote a poem titled ‘ i am becoming my mother’. I think it’s in my first full collection Family Album, Flambard Press 2011.
A few weeks ago while attending one of my late night across the Atlantic poetry group workshops, I had an inkling to revisit this poem with the intention of bringing it up to date. To try and incorporate all the ‘Sherees’ that have developed, spored since the first poem, since my mum’s death and teachings have passed into decades gone by.
So I created this piece. Same title but definitely more expansive.
i am becoming my mother
Dehumanising the Black woman. Mammy, Jezebel, Sapphire, Bitch.
The black woman is seen as one dimensional; the mule of the world, carrying the heavy burden of mothering all others except her own.
Her own children are lost; lost to the auction block, the ocean, the noose.
A Black woman is a source of strength and love. Passing on power as well as pain.
Her body carries stories, carries histories, carries an archive.
as a black woman,
resting deep within the meadow,
held in softness,
grass tickling shins,
dress billowing about
like blossom,
is a political act.
In the garden, warmth of sun on right cheek. Dark skin soaking up the heat.
Other cheek caught in the shade and cool breeze.
Body experiencing so many different sensations at the same time.
Gratitude to be in this body in this present moment. Present. Visual journaling outside.
Page black paint and collaged blossom papers. The light catches upon the pages, illuminating the wisdom and joy within.
Gratitude to be in this space in this present moment. Present. Visual journaling inside.
Soul dark hued and sadness rage collaged. The light catches upon the soul, remembering the true nature within.
Living Wild Studios 