patience

I don’t remember when I lost my most important treasure

| Sheree
The Goddess Series, 2023

I don’t remember when I started to hurt.

I don’t remember when I gave up on myself being enough, being worthy.

I don’t remember when I gave myself away to others at the expense of not keeping any goodness for me.

I don’t remember when I started to hate on myself and wishing myself away, wishing myself into something or someone else. Anything else but this. Anything other than who I really am.

I don’t remember when I started to hide myself away became secretive and dishonest as a means of protection and advancement.

I don’t remember when I stopped being my own best friend and started to seek this relationship, this love and attention elsewhere.

I don’t remember when I betrayed myself by thinking that I was someone who didn’t deserve to be here, as someone worthy of love and happiness and joy.

I don’t remember when I started to listen to others, the outside world and stopped listening to my heart, to my own wisdom.

I don’t remember when I stopped just {being} instead of doing. When {being} was enough.

I don’t remember when I stoped paying attention to what lights me up, my wants and needs, what makes me smile.

I don’t remember when I stopped being a child and took the burdens of the world on to my little shoulders like they belonged there.

I don’t remember when I stopped being in love with myself and gave this love to others who were not deserving of my love, who could not see me as me.

I don’t remember when I began to think I needed other people to love me instead of me just loving on me.

I don’t remember when or how or why all this happened, I just feel it. And now, here I am trying to get back to me, to me loving on me, the most important treasure, lost.

Everything is Possible

| Sheree

This year, I’m being brave by saying ‘yes’ to the things that light me up from the inside out. This will help with gaining clarity around what I’m doing. The things that are worth doing are the things that bring me pure joy.

I’m being brave by putting my trust in myself. To get rid of the doubt and questioning of self and to trust that I’ve always got my best interests at heart.

I bravely offer myself grace instead of judgements, making peace with myself as I’m tired of the battle. Instead of fighting myself, my instincts and my best interests, I’m gonna be loving on myself at every opportunity.

What does this look like in practice? I don’t know. But I’ll know what it feels like because I’ll be glowing and full of joy.

What will support me on this brave journey is my creativity. And offering myself creative solutions to problems and issues. Sobriety will help. Along with water inside and outside of my body. And rest and journaling and healing slowly and deeply.

Deciding to love oneself unconditionally is bravery especially when one lives in a world, a dominating system which doesn’t recognise one’s worth beyond oppression and exploitation.

I’m brave to keep on keeping on.

Hello 2023 with Creation and Healing

| Sheree
The Earthcraft Oracle

Welcome to 2023. Wow. We got here quick with 2022 flying by. I wonder what 2023 has in store for us all?

I eased into the first day of 2023, after a lie-in, with breath work, meditation and intention setting. For the life I envision, I need to invite in the energy of calm and peace.

I know (re)starting my gratitude practice will support me in this endeavour. No matter how small, taking a moment to give thanks, a small act of presence, mindfulness, and care is a gift I could be giving to myself daily. So why do I resist or forget and allow this practice to disappear from my life?

Fear. And that belief that I’m not worth healing. That I don’t deserve happiness and peace. It’s time to switch up my thinking and ways of treating myself.

I pulled the womb card today from The Earthcraft Oracle. I’ve been pulling one card a day for months now, and today does not fail to chime with how I’m feeling or send me the message I’ve been listening for.

The womb is the centre of all creation. The womb holds all the potential. This card comes into my life today of all days to remind me how to awaken my sacral chakra. To lean into creation as here there is healing. Create and heal are the same thing.

To create, one must imagine something that has never been. To heal, one must be willing to embrace a new way of being.

The Earthcraft Oracle Guidebook

On the first day of the year 2023, I take on board this message and practice to stimulate my creative centre and bring forth inspiration and healing for myself, and for those who came before me and for those who come after me. Ashe.

Undoing

| Sheree

with each word

i write

i am undoing

you from

my heart

i am undoing

your lips

from mine

your hand

from mine

i am undoing

your power

over me

Farewell 2022

| Sheree

2022 has been a challenging, unpredictable and painful year in so many ways. A year marked by illness after illness, I’d be justified in feeling the year was a series of starts and stops, stood and starts.

But, I’ve also managed to enjoy some wonderful experiences along the way, especially towards the back end of the year which I spent planning and organising in the first half of the year, while fighting illness after illness. There’s something to be said about dreaming on paper and best laid plans and all that.

2022 was the year of letting go and getting better. I have to believe this to move forward.

My word for 2022 was ‘open’. I know now that I needed this word and focus as a stepping stone, as necessary piece in the process of getting to where I am today, on the eve of 2023. Remaining open, percolating in the background of my attitudes, behaviours and being, meant that I was moving in the right direction even if it has been difficult at times to remain open and honest and trusting.

The pulling away from certain people and situations has been necessary. The release bringing about an end which can also be treated as a new beginning.

I feel a lot has changed about me this year, the most important one being my deepening understanding about this healing journey I’m on. In order to heal, I need to go through the necessary grieving, allowing myself to feel all the feels without the guilt or judgement or trying to hurry the process along. I’m learning.

I know I’m also quicker and more able to stand up for myself now. I choose me more times than not these days and this is a welcoming change and practice. It happens, this choosing of myself, not without guilt and doubts and feelings of uncomfortableness but I write it out.

My creativity, whether that be pen to page, paint to paper, or cut and stick, supports me on this journey for which I am grateful. These conversations I have with myself through the creative process are invaluable being life saving and supportive.

As I see in the new year, new priorities are surfacing. Such as healing, going even more slow and resting. Rest is resistance even as I waste time and energy resisting these changes. But I’m a work in progress, finding non-traditional ways to {BE}, heal and push against the system.

I heard someone recently describe themselves as the matriarch of healing in their lineage. Being the first person in their family who is doing the necessary work to heal themselves as well as for those who came before them and who will come after them. I take this title on for myself and the journey and task I’m on.

I will explore this healing journey further as I move slowly into 2023. Choosing me. No longer playing small, planning on becoming large.

My Mother was the Moon, the Earth, the Song

| Sheree

As I pull into the roadside drenched in memory, I practice breathing. Cycle through the minutes trying to gain ground.

She was silence behind her smiles. Behind her ample flesh. I burnt down our bonds because she dropped before her time.

I’ve too much fire to ever accept her truth. Too much sense to feel the moon held her fullness.

Late into the night standing by the window, she waited for my return. Without fail. I took her love and joy without a backward glance.

I am dark. Too dark. But meaning comes with the light. My own light, learning to shine from the inside out.

I wish she had her chance. I take her picture sitting in the grass amongst the trees and seal it into memory.

The earth she could not give me. She didn’t know how as she laughed her soul into existence.

I am red. All of it. And not at all. But with eyes wide open, body claiming space daily, I listen to her song and bathe in the moonlight.

In the dark with my own sacredness

| Sheree

So I close my eyes. Allow the dark to fill. Feel flaky dust around my ankles and know they are ashes.

Everything has burnt down. To leave fertile ground from which to stand. To rise. But when?

I am indigo. I am not indigo. The stars are not enough. And yet they draw my eyes and heart.

I came close to love reaching from the shadows of a mountainside where women of my family fell.

Memories and pain etched on the skin of my bones, I know what I need and want but I don’t know how or who.

Raw, I cannot dream enough colour to hold me. And yet ripe full of longing, I walk the landscape holding my power with an open heart and listen to the blood rain blooming.