patience
The Healing Properties Of The Seas, 2022
The new creative project which has been knocking around for a while now is exploring my love of the sea. The Healing Properties of the Seas, 2022.
I’ve been living with this project for about five years now; whenever I’m near the sea, or any body of water, taking a moment to breathe it in and then capturing 10 seconds of it.
I’m not even sure where the idea came from or why 10 seconds. But I know I have thousands of these little films.
To go through them all and post them online seemed a daunting task. But I know how much joy being with the sea brings me and I’m always trying to find ways to share this joy.
So to make it happen, to make this project happen, I’ve taken 2022 as my year to share, The Healing Properties of the Seas, 2022.
The task is simple. Share 10 second videos I create in 2022 of bodies of water I see, visit, get close to, get into.
You’ll find some clips in blog posts but hopefully all of them in the portfolio. Enjoy.
7 Reasons Why …
“ I dwell in possibility…”. – Emily Dickinson
7 reasons why me and alcohol are simply not a match any longer: –
1. In case of emergencies and who knows when there might be another one, I don’t want to be incapacitated because of having a drink.
2. Drinking alcohol no longer brings me joy.
3. Lately, I’ve been using alcohol to gain courage and gumption therefore showing up and not being genuine.
4. Alcohol is a gateway to other destructive behaviours and actions.
5. I’m no longer tasting it, really tasting it.
6. It’s been getting earlier and earlier in the day when I start drinking alcohol.
7. I’m drinking for all the wrong reasons.
Dry January – Coming Late to the Party
If you receive our Studio Notes, then you would have read that the beginning of 2021 did not go as planned. Miss Ella got sick, real sick, having to go into hospital for a few weeks to recover from an infection. We didn’t know what was happening and it was worrying.
At the same time, our local hospital trusts brought in stricter restrictions in terms of visitors to hospital. They brought in the rule of one parent per child, 24/7. So swapping out of parents to give some respite and relief. No sharing the load.
It made sense that Miss Ella’s dad stayed in hospital with her as then I’d be available to run around, bringing in food and changes of clothes, as I drive while Miss Ella’s dad doesn’t.
Not being able to see her, cuddle her and tell her everything was going to be alright was so frustrating and painful. For a few weeks there I was self medicating with wine and binge eating crap just to numb the pain and worry. For a few blissful hours each night, I could switch off and forget everything. But the worry and fears were still there to face me the next day.
We’d decided that when Miss Ella was discharged from hospital she’d come stay with me to recover. I hadn’t been with her for so long and it also gave her dad a break after his hospital stay. I needed to be there for her, be switched on and watched her like her hawk. Therefore, alcohol was out of the question.
I’m so pleased that I’d made this decision because within 24 hours of being out of hospital, I had to rush Miss Ella back in with the same symptoms as before. This time, I was the parent to stay in hospital for a few days while they worked out what was wrong and treat Miss Ella again.
By the time we got home again out of hospital, I was 5 days into not drinking. And even though we’d been on another rollercoaster of a ride and alcohol was offered as a means of unwinding and forgetting the recent health scares, I abstained. Again I wanted to be alert and on standby just in case of another emergency with Miss Ella.
So that’s the long story. The short story is Dry January is happening and it wasn’t on my radar. And I’m not really following it as I’ve said, I’ve been drinking this month. But today, I’m 8 days dry.
Sobriety is something I tried last January and completed the month. This year, I’m planning on going beyond the month.
I think my drinking became an issue for me in terms of my behaviours and actions and go-to during 2020 lockdown, marriage breakdown, separation and new home period of my life. It became easy to reach for the wine bottle and forget my worries and concerns. But I just can’t accept the excuses any more. It’s not really worth it as our recent health scares and hospital stays have illustrated.
Throughout, 2022, I intend to share my journey with sobriety here as I realise writing about my struggles is part of the cure. I
have a choice and I chose me, authentic me.
Rest and Creativity
After a really busy November, I was looking forward to a quiet December. It has been a slower pace to last month, but there has still been deadlines and events that I’ve needed to prepare for and attend and reflect on.
So past mid-December already, and I just feel as if I can slow down again now. But I say this but I must have been resting in some kind of way because I went back to my art journaling practice yesterday.
My art journal practice is different to my visual journaling practice only in the fact that I use fewer words and these Black women always seem to show up in the midst of the page somehow.
Here we have another one, who showed up yesterday out of the darkness that was developing on the page. And isn’t she delightful. She’s got a twinkle in her eye and a wish in her heart.
To be in the studio yesterday, playing on the page, I even completing a handmade zine which will be on display in the BALTIC Centre for Contemporary Art, was a joy and much needed. As it signalled to me that I’m back to listening within. That I’m back to creating for me and just for the hell of it. That I’m coming home.
Thank you, Sheree. Now continue to rest. And create.
Morning Water
A morning bath.
So close to my bleed but not quite there yet. Feeling the heavy but with grace.
Warming up after the sea. Rain and wind and lots of seaweed.
But I so so love it.
I’m going to be coming here more often from now on as I check out of all my social media account and focus on my internal landscape and what needs to come out.
I’m so looking forward to sharing my journey with you.
This journey of healing is never ending. But so appreciating the process.
Give me love any day of the week. And I’ll give you the core of me.
What I’m trying to do right now …
“In my longing for depth I have been re-rooting in the earth, in myself and my creativity, in my community, in my spiritual practices, honing in on work that is not only meaningful but feels joyful, listening with less and less judgment to the ideas and efforts of others, having visions that are long term.” Adrienne Maree Brown, Emergent Strategy
Spring
Can you feel it? Change in the air. A change in the energy; the undercurrent. I can feel it. I feel a quickening in my blood, as I move out of wintering, slow still. But I feel a rising in my energy levels along with my excitement that accompanies it.
Spring is on the horizon. The days are getting longer. The light is coming back. And it feels so good. Because I’ve journeyed through the dark months and I’m still here. And I’m not trying to be dramatic but this last year, since we as a family went into self-isolation due to the Coronavirus, was not foreseen. When I was dreaming and making plans for 2020, being in lockdown was not on the agenda. The best laid plans went to the wall and a deep saddening grief followed.
I have a lot to be grateful for over this past year, the past few months, today. I’ve been practicing leaning in more to gratitude because it supports me in realising that my life is blessed on so many ways.
Now, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel on the horizon, I’m grateful for the experiences I’ve been able to have due to the pandemic. If it wasn’t for lockdown her in the U.K., I wouldn’t have experienced that there is another way of working a s being in this world which doesn’t have to be rushing about, producing something, everything, every minute of the day. I’m grateful for being able to slow down and enjoy my life more, deeper.
I’m grateful for all the old and new people I’ve met up with this hear. I’ve been able to attend so many cool and important events around the world from the comfort of my own home, this year. This has been nurturing a s inspiring.
Right now, today, I’m grateful to still have my health. Yes I keep beating on my body with negative self-talk, but today that stops because I’m alive still, and well and able to continue living the way I want to live and how I live.
Theme of the Year – pt. 2. The Hunter
The Hunter is a predator and is always on the hunt. To fail, and not bring back the prey, is not part of their makeup.
The Hunter will journey far and wide seeking what her heart is calling her to seek. Skilful, decisive and focused when this card appears, there is an activation of the great creatures of the world such as the lion, the shark and my favourite the wolf.
When this question appears, you have to ask yourself three questions: What am I hunting or seeking? Why am I seeking this? Is the weapon of choice I’ve chosen needed for the task at hand?
In response to these questions I had to be honest and really look within. Journaling around them my answers become clearer.
I’m seeking healing justice. I’m not sure what that is or what it entails but this is the feeling and focus that came through. I know to heal is everything and this is not just on a personal basis. I know when I work through my trauma, I’ll be in a better position to show up for others, to support others in their healing journeys. That’s the reason why I seek healing justice for me and my community.
My weapon of choice is a pen, my creativity, but it come powered up the connection I forge, daily for myself and others, with nature. I believe that once we heal and re-connect with Mother Nature, we are beginning to heal and get back to our true selves who is and always will be one with nature.
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