exploration

The Return to Montserrat

| Sheree

Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end.

A week ago today, I took the journey back to Montserrat. I first visited this multi-peaked mountain range, home of a Benedictine monk monastery, back in 2007 maybe. Then, I was staying in El Bruc, a small village at the base of the mountains, at the artists retreat, Can Serrat, for a month. A bunch of us from the retreat decided one day to climb the mountain range to reach the top, the monastery. To see the Black Madonna we had heard of.

It was hard going. Taking hours, at times using my hands, feet, knees, elbows to reach the top, climbing sheer rock face and rambling through the forests of the National Park.

I was always behind, at the back of the group. Moving slowly, holding everyone up. They kept stopping to wait for me. I told them not to but they said they had to. That they couldn’t leave me alone on the woods. Not knowing where to go, which path to take.

I didn’t ask for their help. They it took upon themselves to be responsible for me. And they resented me for it. Once we reached the top, and entered the Basilica, they all climbed up further steps to go see and touch the Black Madonna. I didn’t go up. I saw her from afar. I denied myself the opportunity to be with her because I was tired. I was also ashamed for moving so slow. For not being as fit as the others in the group. I was upset because my body let me down but also that these strangers had made me feel like shit for being me. For being a fat Black body who wasn’t good enough. I allowed them to take away my joy and self-worth all because I was unfit and slowed them down. But I didn’t ask them to wait on me or look out for me. I wasn’t a child but they seemed to think it was okay to treat me as such. And I allowed them to.

Fast forward to last week, the end of January 2025 and I return to Montserrat. This time I get up early, to catch the special train to Montserrat from the centre of Barcelona. It’s an hour ride on a commuter train heading north out of Barcelona. The train is packed and I’ve overheating with my two coats on, thinking it would be cold in Barcelona in January. I was wrong. The temperatures were glorious. Winter sun has a way of easing the bones, warming the flesh and making everything fluid and relaxed.

The further we moved out of the city centre, the more the train emptied. Until we were moving within the shadow of mountains and trees. The train can let you off at two stops for Montserrat. The first stop is for the airlift up the mountain which takes 4 minutes. The second stop is to catch the slower train up the mountain. 15 minutes of a steep, slow winding climb. I took the second stop as I was in no rush.

Even on the return to Montserrat, I chose once again to make slow progress. Taking my time to reach the final destination. Yes my body is older this time. I’m probably even fatter but I knew I wasn’t going to allow anyone else to dictate my process or to take away my joy.

Once I reached the top of Montserrat, well not really the top, the main station/ base where the shops and cafes are, I popped into the information centre there in the hope of getting a funicular further up the mountain. It wasn’t working this day but I could walk up an easy path to the top if I wanted.

I enquired about purchasing a ticket to get into the Basilica and to visit the Black Madonna this time also. If I could wait till 1.15pm I could see her as well as listen to the choir sing at 1pm for a little extra cost. Of course I wanted to experience it all. So with ticket bought and time to kill, I took my body further up the mountain.

A steep mountain track hugging the rock face took me further and further into the more or less cloudless sky. And I was just breathing in the tranquility and gratitude to be able to make this journey and relive a piece of my past but on my own terms.

There were other people here but it didn’t bother me as I was in my own little bubble of joy, soaking up the sun, the smells of cypress trees and elders and then there were the bells.

Once back down, I grabbed a coffee and just sat outside and watched people go by. My excitement was building, as after years of waiting, I was finally going to see the Black Madonna of Montserrat up close.

The Black Madonna is sometimes referred to by other names, including ‘The Virgin of Montserrat’ and ‘La Moreneta’, sits behind a sheet of glass high above overlooking the alter. One hand holding a sphere is not behind the glass. Her hand sticks though the glass and is available to touch or kiss if you so wish.

Along a corridor and up some steps and then some more to finally come to the chamber where the Black Madonna sits. You proceed in a line past her. Each of us has an opportunity to stop in front of her. To touch her. To pray. I gave thanks to her. And immediately teared up to be with her. To be this close to her. To be able to touch her. I didn’t ask for anything as she is known for granted miracles. I was just happy and grateful to be in her presence.

I journeyed back down to take my seat within the Basilica to then heat the choir song. All the time I can see the Virgin high above the altar looking down on us.

The Choir @ Montserrat

The choir sang for about 15 minutes and gave the congregation a blessing. I’m not religious. I’m spiritual. But I could appreciate the feelings that arose to be within such a remarkable place and to hear such angelic voices rising within the space and vibrating back into my body. Again another emotional moment.

Once the choir retreated. I got myself back into the queue to visit the Black Madonna once again. I was all about getting my money’s worth! No not really, I wanted to say goodbye and just see her up close once again. And as I say, I’m not religious. And I’m not praying or idolising over false idols.

What I see in the Black Madonna is a Black woman. I see myself. I connect with her as she can relate to my suffering. To my body and soul. And I just want to give thanks to her for being there for me at all times. She takes my woes and my joys. She just reflects back to me that we, as Black women, are enough just as we are. No one else needs to bestow any value on us. We see ourselves and we love ourselves. Just the way we are.

After touching her one more time. I walked back into the sun and climbed a steep path up the other side of the mountain, not ready to leave this peaceful sanctuary. A tremendous amount of peace had descended on me during my time within Montserrat and I wanted to carry it with me as I left. Moving became effortless. My heart was light and full of gratitude.

And I didn’t want this feeling to end.

Consistency

| Sheree
Sitges

This is my final day in Barcelona. Well Spain, as I took a trip yesterday southwest along the coast to Sitges and stayed.

This is the Mediterranean Sea and I got in it this morning. It wasn’t planned as I didn’t bring a swimming costume on my travel. Travelling light I was. . So it was a very fetching set of underwear that saw me right. Who knew!

Not as cold as the North Sea but still fresh. But oh so clear. Glass clear. It was just what my body needed . Now I’m chilled in a good way. Bones, and sinew relaxed, grateful for this time away with myself.

I thought I would have written more here on the blog while away but I haven’t. Saving my reflections for after rather than during. Really being present while here has been my focus. And it’s felt LUSH.

I’m proud of my consistency as I’ve still kept up with my morning routine while here as well as completing a whole month of posting on my blog for January.

Another consistent habit/ practice for January and hopefully beyond, has been honouring my body. Listening to her and giving her what she needs and desires. This is new as before it’s been denial and depriving and depreciating.

Tiger Chai and Cinnamon Roll, yummy!!!

2025 had seen, no felt, a change with my relationship will my body. I’m looking forward to exploring this even more during February. The month of love!

Timber Festival July 2024

| Sheree

I was invited go participate in this year’s Timber Festival by All the Elements. “An incredible weekend festival of celebration, debate and reflection in the National Forest. Timber invites you to stand up and be counted as we rethink our relationship with trees and forests.”

Frankie and Soraya, directors All the Elements

I facilitated a visual journaling workshop which I think went down really well. There wasn’t enough space for everyone who wanted to take part so I had to turn people away. I kept it simple and laid out a step by step approach for creating the visual journal but of course once you know the steps you can do them in any kind of order. You can suit yourself with this practice.

When we’re out in the field, literally here, exploring visual journaling we use just sheets of A4 paper and cover them in paint. Once we’ve got enough we fold them into a book and start searching for images and text.

We kept in mind the thought about what seeds we were willing to plant this season. It was still summer, still time to map out the way we wanted to feel and be during this season.


Each participate went away with their own visual journal, resources and ribbon to tie it all together.

What was so good for me during this festival was the community. All the Elements created a warm and welcoming space and I got to meet people I had only met online before this. I made new contacts too.

I’m really grateful for the opportunity to be part of this festival.

I also got to interview Jess Day a solo long distance hiker as well as be part of a panel discussing creativity as activism with Becky Lyon, Francesca Turauskis and Ani Barber .

I had an amazing few days away.

Summer. Summer. Summer.

| Sheree

Are you seeking security or adventure?

The Return of the Goddess

I’m got that summer feeling.

I’ve been sky writing from time that come 14 July I’m on holiday. I’m away from work. I’m not answering any of your emails, WhatsApp messages, demands or urgencies. I’m off the clock.

Because of the weather, this holiday time has come a day early. And I’m bubbling with excitement.

I’m having no leaky boundaries here. I’m gonna protect my down time. I’m gonna have a complete switch off to recharge my batteries.

This feeling of excitement reminds me of when I was a kid and the summer holidays stretched out in front of me. So much time to explore and play and just be.

I embrace this feeling now with so much joy and gratitude that I’m open for what adventures lie ahead. Adventures of my own making as I’m the adult now not the kid. I’m not beholden to anyone else’s whims or demands or plans. Whatever happens over the coming month or so is all of my own doing. And I love the sound of that. The feel of that.

Summer. Summer. Summer.

Returning to the Highlands

| Sheree

The Glencoe region of Scotland has always held a special place in my heart. When the kids were little, we’d do driving tours up there, jumping from one Premier Inn to another really just to satisfy my own cravings for the Scottish landscape. The wide open spaces, the lochs and glens and mountains.

I created a self-imposed retreat in November when other plans fell through. I took my time to drive into the highlands knowing I was returning to my favourite hotel out there. Kinghouse Hotel, Glencoe.

The plan was simple to rest, walk and create. And I wasn’t disappointed by the scenery, the service, the weather or the creativity.

It was gift to just focus on me and my creativity. A luxury I was truly grateful for. I just want to do it again and again and again.

I fell in love with a mountain and glen up there. So I’ll have to return if we’re going courting!

Buachaille Etive Mòr

How to feel better

| Sheree

It’s been a few days (weeks?) since I’ve been here. And I do hate it when I don’t turn up here because I’m missing out on opportunities for connection, with self and you, at the same time as the longer it goes in between posts the harder it is to get back here.

But I’m back and it was something I wrote on my journal last month that spurred me on to turn up. And I wanted to share it with you as it inspired me to feel better.

And these aren’t my usual activities which I go to to feel better but looking over the list this morning, I can honestly say I’ve been leaning into them the last few weeks without knowing it’s been so. I love when we get the chance to take a step back and reflect and see our journey. I’m so grateful for that.

So what has been making me feel better:

1. Cleaning my space. Be that handbag, bedroom, side table or whole house. I’ve been reaping the rewards of moving my body in cleaning/tidying up and then having the satisfaction of sitting down in a decluttered clear space. It helps the mind to gain clarifying also.

2. Eating something healthy. I’ve been deep in essay writing mode and have been living on toast and crisps and wine! But when I take the time, a break from the grind, to make a salad, or stir-fry and sit and eat mindfully, my body is not only fuelled with the good stuff but I’m resting in a space of joy. I enjoy my food and have the double whammy of knowing I’ve just given myself health.

3. Playing some good music. I’m known to have the tunes blasting in the car, especially as I’m using a friend’s mini convertible. Roof down, tunes high and I’m singing along. But I forget I can do the same within my home. Okay maybe not as loud as when outside. But putting on the mini speaker linked to my Tidal music account, I can move throughout my house listening to the music I love. Music that inspires. Music that I can’t help moving my body to. Music that brings back good memories. And bad. But still manages to get a smile out of me.

4. Lighting a candle. This is a simple act. One I’ve been doing more and more recently as I have candles in every room of my house. I’ve been having them on repeat as I attempt to create a welcoming ambience for anyone viewing the flat. Yes the landlord is selling the flat we’re renting so we have to move. So more people are flowing through the space and having candles glowing is my way of keeping the air clean and scented. It reminds me to take deep breaths and trust that everything is going to turn out for the best. Vanilla, cherry, cinnamon and lavender are my favourites at the moment.

5. Drinking water. Oh my. Now this one is a game changer but I admit I forget it. Daily. Water. I love water inside and out but when I get buried under tasks and emotions, I forget to drink water. That feeling of cold liquid journeying down my throat through my chest to my gut is refreshing, revitalising and a blessing. It only take a moment but still obstacles get in my way. I’m carrying a gallon sized bottle around with me as a means of getting more and enough water. It’s a practice and I’m leaning into it.

6. Sleep a little ( or more). Maybe it’s my age. Menopause. Or the time of year, or my body and mind and soul is just racked with anxious vibes but sleep has been evading me of late. But I’m not going to make it an issue. I’ll take sleep when it comes. And if I can help it, I’ll nap when I feel tired and stay in bed that extra hour if my body calls for it. I rest in other ways too. Be that zoning out in front of the TV, reading or an evening walk. All are a rest from ruminations and allow me to switch off.

7. And finally BREATHE. Yes yes yes. We breathe all the time as it keeps us alive. But how deeply are we breathing? It wasn’t until I picked my meditation practice up again did I realised how long I’m been breathing in the shallows not having the utilising the full capacity of my lungs. Living in the shallows means I’ve been panicking, being on edge, anxious, living on scraps of air when I could have been taking and enjoying big juicy expansive breaths that calm and recalibrate my whole body. I’m breathing deeply. I’m stopping what I’m doing/ being at times to take a few deep breathes. They reoxygenate my body and give me pause for gratitude. Gratitude for being alive in this moment.

I hope you find some inspiration in these practices and try a few. They make me feel better and sometimes we all can do with a reminder of what does make us feel better so we can lean into them more often and more deeply.

Time to Water Your Roots: The Rise Up Rooted Wellness Symposium

| Sheree

The Natural world – from the heavens to our gardens – has so much to give and to teach us

I just manage to get this note in under the wire as today still is in the month of April. But this month has been a busy one. If not being away dog and house sitting then one of birthday celebrations, as both my babies were born in April. I have also been trying to crack on with a commissioned essay, and managed to present something decent at the final event in connection to my exhibition at the BALTIC.

Coming out of my hibernation into a full on month has had its trials and tribulations. But I know what has kept me on the straight and narrow and mostly full of joy has been my connection with nature.

I missed the sea at the beginning of the month, because I was land locked. But this was an ideal time to appreciate the blossom. Cherry blossom, apple blossom, plum blossom, pear.

I’ve always loved on blossom. The blousy pink and white blooms, just fill me with joy and gratitude. I’ve been putting myself in the path of beauty as Cheryl Strayed would argue. Then once I returned back to the North-East it was time to reacclimatise with the sea after an almost three week break. And it was painful. But I needed to get back in, to get close with her, and remind myself that I am alive. And this life is a gift. The sea, along with nature as a whole, is my medicine. And I feel it deep when I am not taking my medicine, through choice, circumstances or self-neglect.

Nature is always there for me when I’m in need or guidance. And I’m grateful for this connection. Even while I worry that we are losing more and more species and ecosystems, I keep faith and hope that we can work together to recognise and reconnect with ourselves, each other and nature to bring about systematic change to benefit all species, and the generations to come. Even in the little ways we show up for nature all count in the grand scheme of things, I think. This is why I’m excited about

🌳 The Rise Up Rooted Global Wellness Symposium 🌳

Join me on May 15th and let the Natural world lead you back home to yourself!

🌳 The Rise Up Rooted Global Wellness Symposium 🌳

Reconnect with the Earth, Reawaken Your True Nature, and Rewild Your Busy Life!

EVENT AIRS: Monday – Friday, May 15 – 19, 2023

Click here to join now for FREE! 

I’m delighted to be a featured speaker at this free global event, created by my friend Alex Strauss to serve busy people all over the world. The 5-Day Rise Up Rooted Global Wellness Symposium, May 15 – 19, is your invitation to devote a few quiet minutes each day to your own well-being. I’ll be sharing more about my connection with nature and how she helped me fall in love with myself and others as part of a panel of 20+ featured speakers. From these authors, coaches, speakers, physicians, teachers, and healers, you’ll learn practical ways to…

  • Clear space in your life to connect with the healing and uplifting power of the Earth, even when life is crazy busy
  • Find hope and inspiration for uncertain times
  • Learn simple, Natural self-care practices you can use anywhere
  • Boost immunity, beat stress, and re-energize by growing and eating your own organic herbs and vegetables
  • Reignite your creative spirit 
  • Bring the life-affirming power of “forest bathing” into your everyday life (even if you don’t have a forest near you)
  • Attune to the seasons and cycles of the Earth (and stop working against them!)
  • Recognize and apply “life lessons” from the Natural world
  • Become more intentional about the time you spend outdoors…and indoors
  • Embrace the power of mindfulness in Nature to quiet your busy brain

and so much more!

CLICK HERE to RSVP for this free event. When you register, you’ll be notified when my interview and other speakers’ interviews are available to watch. 

This isn’t like any nature-focused event you’ve seen before. During this five-day journey, you’ll learn not only WHY we all need more Nature now, but also HOW to integrate more Nature into your daily life, and exactly WHAT to do when you you do get outside.

Note: This event was created for busy people. None of these pre-recorded interviews are longer than 45 minutes, so it’s easy to watch or listen during the day, whenever it’s convenient for YOU!

I really hope you’ll decide to invest a few hours between May 15 and May 19 with me and the other speakers. I know you will come away renewed, recharged, reconnected, and ready to tackle whatever comes next!

CLICK HERE to register now.

I hope to see you there!

Sheree x

PS – Don’t worry if your bare feet haven’t touched the Earth for months or you’re not a gardener. The Rise Up Rooted Global Wellness Symposium is NOT about any one way to connect with the Earth. Instead, it’s about simple, practical steps we can all take in our day-to-day lives to be healthier, happier, and more peaceful in body and mind. (Some of them can even happen while you sleep!) CLICK HERE to RSVP now.

Gratitude Journaling – Part 001

| Sheree
My little book of gratitude

From time to time, I’ve tried to keep a gratitude journal. I’ve read the research and heard the stories about expressing gratitude for your life and what is part of it, here and now. This is a great practice in order to be more present in your life as well as be happier.

I saw expressing gratitude and writing it down as just another thing to add to my to-do list mostly. I resented the time spent on it as as well as beating myself up for the times I missed a day or two. I felt like this was just another indication of me failing.

I think as part of my intentional healing journey of 2023 ( have I talked here about it?) I brought gratitude back into my day, or I’m trying to. Offering myself grace and compassion when there are times I forget to complete it some days, I allowed myself to start small.

Today, I am grateful for …

This is how I start each entry and I allow myself to just mark one thing I’m grateful for. One thing. One sentence. Most days it’s doable. Most days I remember. Some days there’s more than one think, more than one thing to be grateful for. But there are still some days I forget and the days run away from me. But I do not sweat it. I pick it back up when I remember.

I keep this little notebook with the image of Frida Kahlo on my bedside table. I love this little notebook. I love Frida Kahlo but I also love how I feel when I write in this book. I feel better. I feel present. I feel grateful for what I have, how I feel, what I experience. Fostering positive energy for the here and now rather than energy wasted on what I don’t have or want instead.

The research is right. Practicing gratitude does foster appreciation and happiness for the things and people in your life. Now. Simples.

Here are a few gratitude moments captured in this little book of gratitudes from the beginning of the year so far:

Today I am grateful for the reminder that I am loving, loved and loveable.

Today I am grateful for the time and space to create a vision board for the year ahead.

Today I am grateful for my body to be able to walk and get into the sea.

Today I am grateful for my lie in. For rest and sleep.

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to put things right .

Today I am grateful for the connections I am making, with myself and others.

Expect to see more posts about gratitude as I delve deeper into the practice and the effects it is having on my life. What contributions it is making to my healing journey?

Everything is Possible

| Sheree

This year, I’m being brave by saying ‘yes’ to the things that light me up from the inside out. This will help with gaining clarity around what I’m doing. The things that are worth doing are the things that bring me pure joy.

I’m being brave by putting my trust in myself. To get rid of the doubt and questioning of self and to trust that I’ve always got my best interests at heart.

I bravely offer myself grace instead of judgements, making peace with myself as I’m tired of the battle. Instead of fighting myself, my instincts and my best interests, I’m gonna be loving on myself at every opportunity.

What does this look like in practice? I don’t know. But I’ll know what it feels like because I’ll be glowing and full of joy.

What will support me on this brave journey is my creativity. And offering myself creative solutions to problems and issues. Sobriety will help. Along with water inside and outside of my body. And rest and journaling and healing slowly and deeply.

Deciding to love oneself unconditionally is bravery especially when one lives in a world, a dominating system which doesn’t recognise one’s worth beyond oppression and exploitation.

I’m brave to keep on keeping on.