This summer has been the summer of hydrangeas. Everywhere I’ve been this summer, on my travels and just walking the neighbourhood, I’ve been met by these blooming bountiful heads of colour. Big bushes bursting with these delicate four petal bunched-headed flowers. And every time my heart has sung at the sight of them
And as the summer comes to a close, with the changes in temperature and of light, these flowers will start to turn brown and in this flitting beauty of autumn, they will still make my heart sing as in their beautiful fragile death there will be rebirth.
This month is hurtling along and September is just around the corner. With my favourite season of the year – Autumn. But we’re still in Summwr for now. Still a few days left of August and I’m here after a luscious seaswim, with coffee and journal trying to make sense of the last few weeks.
Visual Journal Spread- Handmade Journal
I’m back from Ireland and I can’t believe I did it really. It was another world, another time. To just have to think about driving to my next park up each day and feasting my eyes on the landscapes and seascapes was a gift. I’m so glad I did it. And of course I have to go back as I didn’t cover all of the coast. I finished just inside County Kerry and just part ways around the Ring of Kerry. But in no way am I disappointed. To wake up every morning within different bay or coastline or treeline and get into water well I’m so grateful. I know my adventures with the wild Atlantic coast helped me fall back in love with my own coastline as it’s been hit and miss this year with the sea. And getting in her!
Visual Journal Spread- Handmade Journal
The images above are taken from the handmade journal I created to take on my travels. There’s still pages left so I’ll continue to use it. It’s a mixture of cartridge paper and brown wrapping paper. Both covered in acrylic papers and ink and images and quotes and stickers. A hodge podge of reflections and moments and a-ha moments. But the texture and the crinkle of papers is divine.
Visual Journal Spread- Handmade Journal
One spread is my habit tracker for the month of August. On reflection the habit that I have kept the most this month has been reading. After submitting my poetry manuscript at the beginning of the month ( thank goodness), I’ve had more time and headspace to pick up a book or listen to an audio book. Blog newsletter article. Anything really I could get my hands on I’ve been reading. I didn’t realise how much I’ve been missing out on long periods of reading for pleasure and joy. What was best was listening to audiobooks while driving. I was getting so involved with the plots and characters because of the strength of writing but also because of the voices of the readers. I was laughing and crying and whooping behind the wheel of Kiwi and loving it.
Visual Journal Spread- Handmade Journal
So with the month coming to an end and the nights drawing in, I intend to get cosy with more books and reading. I’m between projects, writing as well as coordinating them, and I’m just more than willing and ready to fill my pot with juicy words, images and ideas before I think of next steps.
Visual Journal Spread- Handmade Journal
I know I’ll be using my visual journal to collect any thoughts, feelings and ideas that percolate through so I don’t miss any nuggets but also to keep the conversation going with myself. I planned the Summer to be about rest and time away and just doing what I love. And it hasn’t disappointed. I’m grateful I put myself first and had the resources to be able to disappear from the public realm and work and other commitments to feed my soul.
Visual Journal Spread- Handmade Journal
Thank you as always for coming a long on the journey with me. X
I’ve been forgetting. Or I’ve been avoiding. I need to remember.
This is the life I’ve yearned for. This is the life I’ve worked for. This is the life I’ve sacrificed for.
Standing this close in the mix and mess of things, I forget. When I’m juggling projects and deadlines and the multiple personalities of others. I forget, this is what I’ve been dreaming about for years.
Freedom to be and do what I want. To follow my desires and needs and wants and still be able to provide for my family.
The freedom to rest and play when I choose and not at the whim of anyone else.
Remember. “You’re walking in the hope of your yesterday”. Thank you Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui for this reminder.
I remember and give thanks for this life I have chosen to lead and which I sometimes takes for granted and complain about or even get down about.
I remember what I have forgotten and give thanks for it all.
How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen?
When I start avoiding people. Start avoiding those conversations, connections with other people. Not being able to muster the energy to just look someone in the eye, I know it is time to unplug, unwind and retreat.
When my mind becomes a jumbled mess of to-dos, guilt-tripping myself galore with feelings of not being good enough. Then I know it is time to unplug, unwind and retreat.
When I no longer receive pleasure from the things I love to do, like writing, creating, eating. {BEING}. I know then, time to step away from the tasks, the commitments, the noise, the violence and the ruin and hide.
Stop. Breathe. Lick wounds. Apply water inside and out. And come back to centre. My centre. Me, being just me.
No actions or words in attempt to prove myself. No singing and dancing routine to grab your attention. Nothing wise or in service here.
Just someone unplugging from the system unsure whether or not she wants to plug back in on someone else’s terms.
Happy New Year! Yes I know January 1st 2024 has come and gone. And yes I know it’s probably well past the time period to be wishing anyone, anywhere a happy new year. But I don’t care. This is when I’m coming back to the website, the blog, the public domain. March 2024.
I didn’t plan it as I didn’t think it would be possible this year what with my commitments all over the place but it does feel like that I’ve been on retreat for the last 3 months; the first 3 months of 2024. What with one thing or another; illness, lack of energy, lack of focus, lack of motivation, I’ve had to just ease myself into this year. And I still don’t feel that I’m fully present to this time period yet, but I’m getting there.
I had to intentionally put this into my to -do list today; to turn up here and write something. There’s been the lack of motivation and energy thing but there’s also been a block, or limitations I’ve been putting on myself in term of creating here or anywhere. I’ve been caught in a loop of asking myself, what have I got to say? What can I say as the world is falling apart? Nothing seemed/seems enough. I wasn’t good enough. So let’s stay hidden and quiet and safe, I convinced myself.
But there is only so long that I can live with myself doing/ being this/that. I was getting comfortable being uncomfortable or getting comfortable in numbing myself to the uncomfortable feelings as a means of getting by and through and over and under. To just breathe.
I return today simply to cross something off my to-do list. But in many ways it is so much more than just that. I’m back, I’m ascending out of the ashes into some kind of flame. Or at least the pilot light is back on in terms of writing/ being here/ turning up.
One thing that has been on a constant burn, a low humming of heat over these last 4 or 5 months has been my visual journaling practice. The image above was created today at my table in the corner of my bedroom where I’ve gotten into the habit of turning up daily just to see what wants to appear. I’ve been listening to the ancestors, the guides who want to speak. I’ve been enjoying the process.
I’ll be sharing some more visual journal spreads in the coming days as well as curating a new portfolio to archive them all in one place as if I don’t archive my creative practice, who else will?
Living Wild Studios 