Magical wake up view.
self-love
The End of 2024
I’m choosing to end 2024 with gratitude. I’m choosing to give thanks for 2024 and to recognise the abundance.
Checking through my visual journals of the year and there is evidence of joy and creativity and love but there is also difficulty, scarcity and rage.
But here on the precipice of 2025, I’m choosing to focus on the present and the gifts that 2024 has given me.
In this moment, on New Year’s Eve, I am grateful to have returned to one of my favourite places in the world to bring in the New Year; Glencoe, the Scottish Highlands.
Anyone following my blog from last year will know this is where I spent the New Year last/ this year, 2023 into 2024. My friend of old and I were booked into The Kinghouse Hotel here for their New Year’s celebration package. It was a luxurious affair and reminded me of a holiday camp as we were bombarded with activities, food and drink and entertainment for 4 days. And it snowed.
This year there is no such luxury but that doesn’t take away from my joy and gratitude for being here now. I’m in Glencoe, for the first time, with Kiwi my campervan. This trip up in the wind and rain and dark is fulfilling a dream of mine. To park up for many nights in the shadow of my favourite mountain Etive.
I’ve just been sitting in my van, watching the clouds roll over the peaks. I’ve totally slowed down and have finally started to appreciate the hibernation mode which started in November, with fits and starts as I kept getting disturbed.
I’m grateful that I have the privilege of being able to hibernate, to escape from the world of work and commitments to rest and dream. I’m tightening my belt, living frugally in certain ways, so I can have the next few months off work. Off the clock, off the colonial clock. Because I think, no I know, that 2024 burnt me out. Not just from the amount of work but also from the kind of work of was. I spent hours and energy supporting other people’s dreams in a system which doesn’t recognise our humanity never-mind our dreams. Daily I was going to battle, constantly having to repeat myself as well as explain and justify our existence and right to life/ work/ dreams/ success. It was tiring and demoralising and traumatic. It is only now that I can allow the sheer weight of it to fall away as I’ve been carrying it for a long time. And I’m tired.
So to be in the Highlands, on my own terms, in my own space, not having to see or talk or be with anyone else, is my happy place. And I’m grateful for it.
There is a severe weather warning up here. Edinburgh has cancelled its New Year celebrations because of this weather. High winds, rain, a lot of rain and maybe snow. For the last few nights, I’ve felt the wind and rain lash against Kiwi, we’ve been rocking and rolling but we’re safe and warm and I’m grateful for that.
I’m like in a little cocoon. I have everything I need to wait out the storm, two duvets and thermal clothing, water and food all help for which I am truly grateful. Because I’m living off grid as well as learning to live with less. And with that does come a lot of gratitude.
I recognise it in the food I prepare and eat here. Little plates of goodness which are simple but nourishing and enough.
So as I plan to wave goodbye to 2024 and welcome in 2025, I’m cocooned within a circle of gratitude for what is now in the present moment. I’m warm and safe and have a feast for my eyes and tastes and soul to keep me satisfied. I’m very grateful to be able to continue to live out my dreams on my own terms. Thank you x
Darkling
I’m not sure how much I’ve shared here. I’m not sure if I wanted to speak it into existence out of fear of jinxing it. Maybe.
Last year, my last publisher Andy Croft got in contact with me asking for my poetry collection. Smokestack Books is planning to close its publishing doors and Andy wanted to go out having published my next collection.
We have a history as Andy published Laventille (2015) and stood by me throughout the whole ‘shit-hit-the-fan’ experience when my life and profession and writing were ruined ( or there was an attempt to ruin me as I’m still here to tell the tale).
So I said yes, maybe naively. As since then I’ve been on a rollercoaster of feelings as I attempted to bring the collection into existence.
Darkling was the result.
At some point I will share some of the poems within the collection. Some of the poems started within this blog. But even though I just got asked last year to complete this collection, I feel, no I know, this collection has been nine years in the making. Ever since Sheree Mack was cancelled in May 2015, I’ve been making my way back to Sheree Mack, someone I didn’t even know existed until she was forced to start again from nothing to building a much stronger and truer foundation.
Darkling is Smokestack Books swan song. Darkling is my rebirth song.
There will be a reading planned of the collection with special guests as support. Check out the details here. Thursday 7 November, 6-7.30pm (GMT).
A Handmade Month
This month is hurtling along and September is just around the corner. With my favourite season of the year – Autumn.
But we’re still in Summwr for now. Still a few days left of August and I’m here after a luscious seaswim, with coffee and journal trying to make sense of the last few weeks.
I’m back from Ireland and I can’t believe I did it really. It was another world, another time. To just have to think about driving to my next park up each day and feasting my eyes on the landscapes and seascapes was a gift. I’m so glad I did it. And of course I have to go back as I didn’t cover all of the coast. I finished just inside County Kerry and just part ways around the Ring of Kerry. But in no way am I disappointed. To wake up every morning within different bay or coastline or treeline and get into water well I’m so grateful.
I know my adventures with the wild Atlantic coast helped me fall back in love with my own coastline as it’s been hit and miss this year with the sea. And getting in her!
The images above are taken from the handmade journal I created to take on my travels. There’s still pages left so I’ll continue to use it. It’s a mixture of cartridge paper and brown wrapping paper. Both covered in acrylic papers and ink and images and quotes and stickers. A hodge podge of reflections and moments and a-ha moments. But the texture and the crinkle of papers is divine.
One spread is my habit tracker for the month of August. On reflection the habit that I have kept the most this month has been reading. After submitting my poetry manuscript at the beginning of the month ( thank goodness), I’ve had more time and headspace to pick up a book or listen to an audio book. Blog newsletter article. Anything really I could get my hands on I’ve been reading. I didn’t realise how much I’ve been missing out on long periods of reading for pleasure and joy. What was best was listening to audiobooks while driving. I was getting so involved with the plots and characters because of the strength of writing but also because of the voices of the readers. I was laughing and crying and whooping behind the wheel of Kiwi and loving it.
So with the month coming to an end and the nights drawing in, I intend to get cosy with more books and reading. I’m between projects, writing as well as coordinating them, and I’m just more than willing and ready to fill my pot with juicy words, images and ideas before I think of next steps.
I know I’ll be using my visual journal to collect any thoughts, feelings and ideas that percolate through so I don’t miss any nuggets but also to keep the conversation going with myself.
I planned the Summer to be about rest and time away and just doing what I love. And it hasn’t disappointed. I’m grateful I put myself first and had the resources to be able to disappear from the public realm and work and other commitments to feed my soul.
Thank you as always for coming a long on the journey with me.
X
The Goddess of Rest
Rest is important to me after a lifetime of hustling and running on empty to be the most productive person alive. All to be loved . All to be accepted. All to be successful on somebody else’s terms.
Not anymore. Nine years ago my eyes were forced open to the system. This grind culture. White Supremacy Culture. This only getting your worth from what you do rather than who you be.
No I no longer buy into that crap.
Rest is paramount for me these days as I’ve realised I cannot fulfil all things I want to do in my pursuit of joy and purpose if I do not take my right amount of rest. If I do not stop and smell the roses and {BE}.
This summer I’m taking an extended rest and the Goddess has come visiting as a result.
The Goddess will be showing up this summer because she can. Because she’s ready. Because she has further things to teach me.
Timber Festival July 2024
I was invited go participate in this year’s Timber Festival by All the Elements. “An incredible weekend festival of celebration, debate and reflection in the National Forest. Timber invites you to stand up and be counted as we rethink our relationship with trees and forests.”
I facilitated a visual journaling workshop which I think went down really well. There wasn’t enough space for everyone who wanted to take part so I had to turn people away. I kept it simple and laid out a step by step approach for creating the visual journal but of course once you know the steps you can do them in any kind of order. You can suit yourself with this practice.
When we’re out in the field, literally here, exploring visual journaling we use just sheets of A4 paper and cover them in paint. Once we’ve got enough we fold them into a book and start searching for images and text.
We kept in mind the thought about what seeds we were willing to plant this season. It was still summer, still time to map out the way we wanted to feel and be during this season.
Each participate went away with their own visual journal, resources and ribbon to tie it all together.
What was so good for me during this festival was the community. All the Elements created a warm and welcoming space and I got to meet people I had only met online before this. I made new contacts too.
I’m really grateful for the opportunity to be part of this festival.
I also got to interview Jess Day a solo long distance hiker as well as be part of a panel discussing creativity as activism with Becky Lyon, Francesca Turauskis and Ani Barber .
I had an amazing few days away.
Prayer Wheels
I say a prayer for Palestine
I love this own about love
Living Wild Studios 