self-care

[history]

| Sheree

Write about your first crush.

[history]*

peony

when archie rowe asked me out in middle school, he wanted us to keep our courtship a secret. we met behind the garages, through the school yard. he kissed me & played with my tits. [did i just use the word tits? there i’ve done it again] tits. i was well developed for me age. full blown blossomed boobies. boys will be boys. behind the garages, sprigs of pussy willow wept. shhh it’s his secret. too ashamed to be seen with a Blackgirlwoman.

*taken from a longer piece called, ‘Playing Palimpsest’, which appears in my full collection Darkling.

Summer Reading

| Sheree

After a busy week so far, my body is calling for the easy days of summer. Summer reading is usually how I get to slow down. I’ve got nothing major planned for the summer months. Usually we go down south and house and dog sit. But this year I needed a change.

I’m not sure what that is at the moment. The change I’m looking for. But I’m looking forward to putting up my email message of being off the clock for summer. I’ve started a countdown to that time in my head now.

Call it the teacher still in me but I love my six weeks( or more) summer holidays. So I’ve started the slowdown with reading short stories. A quick and easy way to get back into the reading habit. As well as introduce me to new writers. Read the first two this morning as part of my morning routine. And continue to read The Moor throughout this week.

I’ve swept my back yard, and I’m going to spend more and more time out there, reading and dreaming as I want to start growing stuff back there. But first I need to get to know the space. Spend some time there instead one just passing through.

I’m so looking forward to being off the clock and lazing. Trying to complete my chapter on black mothering and fugitivity after requesting an extension. Nearly there. I’ve got to the first of July and then I can relax and start dropping commitments outside the home, work and responsibilities and just go feral for a while. Yes!

claiming my time so my morning flows on my own terms

| Sheree

When I know I have a busy day, in commitment to others and outside the home, I make sure I claim back my time. I get up early and feed my pot first. I prioritise me.

This morning saw me up at 6am and out, down to the sea.

It was so beautiful this morning, with a slice of lemon on the horizon. I knew I’d made the right decision to get up and out, while the rest of the world was sleeping.

And of course I had to get in. June and the water is still cold. So it woke me up, job done. But it also calmed and focused the mind. When I’m with the sea, I can do anything. Nothing is an issue or a problem. It’s just gravy.

Once out of her embrace, I took to walking along the front, continuing my ultramarathon training, increasing my time on my feet each day.

Now home and completing my visual journaling over coffee. I’m satisfied. I know I’ve given myself the time to ease into the world on my own terms. This means I’m a happy bunny and for the rest of the day, I’ll be basking in this joyful light.

Anyone who comes into my rays will be blessed.

Doing another ultramarathon

| Sheree
Rubus vestitus ( brambles)

I went out walking this evening. After I stuffed my face and got settled down to watch some ultramarathon training videos on YouTube, I thought it would be more benefit to my body to get out and move her.

I tried an ultramarathon last year along the Pembrokeshire Coastal Path. I didn’t complete it because I ran out of time. I was just too slow to complete the 50k / 31 miles within the official timeframe. But I had a grand day out. It was glorious; the weather, the path, the sights and movement. I really enjoyed my day and I wasn’t too fussed about not completing it. I

knew I would try again.

And so it happened. I’d reached out to Into Ultra a couple of years ago for support for getting into ultra. I thought if not just advise then maybe some help financially with the kit and stuff. It hasn’t really happened till now.

They sent around an email offering free places in races coming up this year. And one took my fancy. SheRaces Trail Series Peak District 50K. There’s a 25K also which I know I can complete but it wouldn’t be as much as a challenge as the 50K.

A couple of days ago running coach Hannah Walsh shared a great Instagram post highlighting that just 0.007% of people have run an ultramarathon, and of these 0.0001% are women. That’s a really small number.

25 Jul 2023 . Source

I like the idea of being able to complete an ultramarathon. I’ve completed 4 marathons, the last one being 2022 in Loch Ness.

To be amongst that small percentage of people, never mind women, never mind black women, who have ‘run’ an ultramarathon, is something to aim for.

And of course I’m not going to run it. I will run walk crawl as per usual. But this time, I know what to expect in terms of the pain, the terrain, the challenge, and toll it takes on the body.

I’m in training now. And there’s never enough time to get to my peak. But what is my peak? I’m an aging overweight black woman, but I’ve never felt more like myself and operating on my own terms. So that’s peak for me!

So this is as good a time as ever to give this ultra malarkey another try.

Consistency breeds confidence. This is my mantra. Consistency breeds confidence.

So as long as I get out walking each day build up the time I spend on my feet, I’ll be grand. And whatever else happens, it will be a grand day out!

Saturday 2nd August is the date of the gathering in the Peak District. You’re more than welcome to join me. Cheer me on. Supply the water and midget gems if you want!

Outdoor First Aid Training

| Sheree

For the last two days I’ve been completing my refresher course in Outdoor First Aid Training.

First completed during the pandemic, my certificate had run out and I needed to retake the course.

It’s simple, First Aid saves lives.

Basic first aid can mean the difference between life and death. A Red Cross survey showed a staggering 59% of deaths from injuries would have beenpreventable had first aid been given before the emergency services arrived.

Sources

Only about 4-5% of the population in the UK are First Aid trained. This for me is not enough people taking responsibility. This for me is not enough people l caring about other people’s well-being. This for me is not enough people demonstrating care in community.

What maddens me further is that women are more likely to not receive life saving first aid because people, usually men, are uncomfortable about exposing women’s breasts in conducting life saving CPR. So more women are dying without receiving first aid because of other people’s embarrassment. Fucking hell. I’m telling you now, if it’s the difference between showing my boobs and being able to live for another day, fucking get my top and bra off as soon as possible and start saving my life. You have my consent now.

I’m now trained up for another 3 years. But I won’t be leaving it there. I’ll make sure I’m refreshing my skills more frequently as well as moving onto an advanced first aid skills training course. I don’t think you can ever be prepared enough for saving a life , as who knows what scenarios will present themselves in real life, but at least I will have the confidence and the know how to try and save a life.