Today I took my time. I had a lie in. Got up grabbed a coffee and went back to bed with my new journal.
There was the bubbling of excitement as well as fear. I’ve been preparing this new journal for the past week and it was time to begin.
I’m reminded of the Henry David Thoreau Quote: “There is no beginning too small.”
So I took my time. Took inspiration from the colours on the page and started mining magazines for images and text. I ripped out whole pages knowing I’d come back in and cut out the details, the inspiration.
I spent about an hour cutting and pasting. Spreading out across the colourful pages.
The last spread of sticking I did in the picture above. Once this was complete, I had to leave it to complete some chores. It was an hour before I returned with another coffee and this time ready to write.
I wrote about beginning again. The newness of a new journal. The possibilities. How my energy needed a shift hence the new journal and starting it this morning as I go on retreat; away from the world to create, to be and to rest.
I thought it fitting that this day should be marked with a new visual journal, with a new beginning as I’m excited about going away and being away from all the distractions and noise and demands which have been dominating my life of late.
I’m grateful for the time, space and means to take off from my life for a week and be inspired within the cradle of mountains.
I do not set out to create anything beautiful with my visual journal practice. The purpose is always to be present within the process. But there are sometimes when I look at a finished pages ( I don’t think it is ever finished as I always return to continue the conversation with myself) and they bring a smile to myself as they stand in for all the emotions and thoughts and dreams that surfaced during the time with the page.
I wonder, and wonder, and wonder what can be explored and shared when I lean into my interdisciplinary practice. I wonder.
Sometimes, I can feel my energy stagnating. Or being leeched away into activities, projects or circumstances that I want to be in but which if I allow it take me away from what is important to me.
I do great work and I enjoy facilitating/ creating/ coordinating it. Changing lives and bringing joy and opportunities to others, for others.
But sometimes, I have to strengthen my boundaries and batter down the hatches in order to make sure I can show up the best version of myself for myself and others.
The last couple of weeks have found me running low on energy, patience and creativity. I’ve been giving away a lot of myself, time and energy, and focus.
So the next chapter to the end of 2023, is focused on me taking back what’s mine. Taking back my time, my energy, my sparks and directing them in the directions that feed my soul. Which fuels my dreams and confidence in my voice.
And it starts with preparing my next visual journal. I’ve returned to a trusty old faithful. A pink pig sketchbook. And I’ve set up on my kitchen bench with paints and the gift card.
Every time I go into the kitchen, I create a spread. I smear drops of paint across the page with the disused credit card. I can feel my energy, my excitement and joy rising.
This simple act of moving colour across the page fills me with joy, wonder and ideas. My creativity has been lit up again and I’m looking forward to filling these pages.
Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?
This morning’s gratitude
It’s been a bit hit and miss here over the last few weeks as I’ve been busy, walking and resting.
There are no lazy days. Saying a person is having a lazy day is such a imperialist, capitalist, white supremacy patriarchy judgement.
Our value does not come from how busy we are, how productive we are or how hard we hustle.
I’m done with that mentality and practice and conditioning.
I’m been resting up after my 96 miles hike for the lowlands to the highlands of Scotland and have felt no guilt or made any excuses for it. I’m luxuriated in the inactivity.
Rest is a weapon as I’ve said before. Rest is pushing back against a system which was set up not for my survival but destruction.
Rest is a Revolution. So while I write my morning pages from bed, cradling a hot coffee and a sugared ring donut, I creatively plot my next move in chipping away for the dismantling of the system.
This includes another coffee and another page of dreaming. I’m not lazing, I’m not having a lazy day, I’m creating friction, rebellion, freedom.
Hello hello. how goes it with you? Call it the teacher still in me after all theses years, but I just love to have the six weeks summer holidays off the clock. In the past, it was easier to make it so what with having the kids off school and everything. And now, well I just love the feeling of freedom the summer holidays give me.
I let go of trying to do everything for everyone and I allow myself the time and space to fill my creative pot. Things slow down, I rest a lot and eat and drink a lot. And just {BE}.
I’m truly grateful that I’m able to take this extended break and not worry too much about the bank balance. That doesn’t mean I’m rolling in it, but it does mean that I’ve made allowances for this break through my actions and behaviours throughout the year. And we just make do also. Nothing extravagant happens over the summer. We usually stay close to home but we focus on downtime, and free or low spend activities. It’s about being together that’s the important bit.
So as the summer holidays come to at end nearly, we’ve got a bit of time left to go visit family, get into some kind of water source, sea or pool, and fill our creative pots with a gallery or museum visit or two. Simple living which fills me with joy because I’m not trying to live up to some kind of ideal or perfection or keep the one kid left at home run ragged or totally occupied all of the time. I believe in allowing kids getting bored as that’s when the imagination kicks in. Hence my love of rest, downtime, and doing nothing. As in the scheme of things, on the outside it might look like ‘doing’ nothing, but inside sparks are sparking and foundations are being laid for the new season on the horizon.
Autumn, my favourite season is just around the corner. And I can feel the excitement rising already. You like my plush pumpkins in the image above? Autumn plans are afoot.
the lie in, for the peace and quiet, for the sun, for the light, for the time and space to rest and retreat – taken from this morning’s gratitude journal.
Mid July has come and gone and the summer holidays are nearly upon us, and my life do I need a rest. So rest I will be doing. Well resting from the public eye. It might seem as if nothing is happening here because I might not be posting as often as I’d like. But let me tell you, behind the scenes I’m still beavering away. But I’m fixing now to rest. Rest into my practice that hold me at times of upheaval and trouble.
So I’ll be walking, dog walking, writing, journaling, dreaming on paper, yoga, mindfulness, good food and drink and catching up with friends. What I’ll be sharing here are images. Images of the good stuff and living. As I have to remind myself (and you maybe also) that it’s all about the joy. Or it should be and if you’re not feeling it then make plans to get yourself some. JOY.
The heat has been on for the last week or so and then today a downpour that didn’t seem to want to stop. But it was needed. There needs to be some kind of release.
I’m in the thick of organising house moves and exhibitions and lectures and just writing them gives me a headache never mind completing it all. And complete it I will do as that’s what I do. But at what cost to my health and sanity?
Today I’m resting for some and then doing/ working for some. Breaking up the rests with work instead of the other way around. And it’s working. I feel better, lighter and more productive but never doing more than I can handle.
I have loose ends that need to be tied up which are sapping my energy but some things are just out of my control. So I’m sitting with these uncomfortable feelings trusting in the ancients that they will allow things to turn out for the best for me.
I have to believe it when I get lost in the mix or start to doubt the path I’m on. That the universe has my back. That these things happen for a reason. I just wish sometimes things where a bit easier for me.
It’s been a few days (weeks?) since I’ve been here. And I do hate it when I don’t turn up here because I’m missing out on opportunities for connection, with self and you, at the same time as the longer it goes in between posts the harder it is to get back here.
But I’m back and it was something I wrote on my journal last month that spurred me on to turn up. And I wanted to share it with you as it inspired me to feel better.
And these aren’t my usual activities which I go to to feel better but looking over the list this morning, I can honestly say I’ve been leaning into them the last few weeks without knowing it’s been so. I love when we get the chance to take a step back and reflect and see our journey. I’m so grateful for that.
So what has been making me feel better:
1. Cleaning my space. Be that handbag, bedroom, side table or whole house. I’ve been reaping the rewards of moving my body in cleaning/tidying up and then having the satisfaction of sitting down in a decluttered clear space. It helps the mind to gain clarifying also.
2. Eating something healthy. I’ve been deep in essay writing mode and have been living on toast and crisps and wine! But when I take the time, a break from the grind, to make a salad, or stir-fry and sit and eat mindfully, my body is not only fuelled with the good stuff but I’m resting in a space of joy. I enjoy my food and have the double whammy of knowing I’ve just given myself health.
3. Playing some good music. I’m known to have the tunes blasting in the car, especially as I’m using a friend’s mini convertible. Roof down, tunes high and I’m singing along. But I forget I can do the same within my home. Okay maybe not as loud as when outside. But putting on the mini speaker linked to my Tidal music account, I can move throughout my house listening to the music I love. Music that inspires. Music that I can’t help moving my body to. Music that brings back good memories. And bad. But still manages to get a smile out of me.
4. Lighting a candle. This is a simple act. One I’ve been doing more and more recently as I have candles in every room of my house. I’ve been having them on repeat as I attempt to create a welcoming ambience for anyone viewing the flat. Yes the landlord is selling the flat we’re renting so we have to move. So more people are flowing through the space and having candles glowing is my way of keeping the air clean and scented. It reminds me to take deep breaths and trust that everything is going to turn out for the best. Vanilla, cherry, cinnamon and lavender are my favourites at the moment.
5. Drinking water. Oh my. Now this one is a game changer but I admit I forget it. Daily. Water. I love water inside and out but when I get buried under tasks and emotions, I forget to drink water. That feeling of cold liquid journeying down my throat through my chest to my gut is refreshing, revitalising and a blessing. It only take a moment but still obstacles get in my way. I’m carrying a gallon sized bottle around with me as a means of getting more and enough water. It’s a practice and I’m leaning into it.
6. Sleep a little ( or more). Maybe it’s my age. Menopause. Or the time of year, or my body and mind and soul is just racked with anxious vibes but sleep has been evading me of late. But I’m not going to make it an issue. I’ll take sleep when it comes. And if I can help it, I’ll nap when I feel tired and stay in bed that extra hour if my body calls for it. I rest in other ways too. Be that zoning out in front of the TV, reading or an evening walk. All are a rest from ruminations and allow me to switch off.
7. And finally BREATHE. Yes yes yes. We breathe all the time as it keeps us alive. But how deeply are we breathing? It wasn’t until I picked my meditation practice up again did I realised how long I’m been breathing in the shallows not having the utilising the full capacity of my lungs. Living in the shallows means I’ve been panicking, being on edge, anxious, living on scraps of air when I could have been taking and enjoying big juicy expansive breaths that calm and recalibrate my whole body. I’m breathing deeply. I’m stopping what I’m doing/ being at times to take a few deep breathes. They reoxygenate my body and give me pause for gratitude. Gratitude for being alive in this moment.
I hope you find some inspiration in these practices and try a few. They make me feel better and sometimes we all can do with a reminder of what does make us feel better so we can lean into them more often and more deeply.
Living Wild Studios 