Breathe with me
And again breathe
And one more time, deeper. Breathe.
Breathe
rest
Morning Pages – 24/10/24
I’ve just started a new course with Lighthouse Writers Workshop called Manifestations—Reading and Writing Speculative Nonfiction! with Kanika Agrawal. It works out that it’s early morning for me at its run on mountain time. This might help my speculative imaginings but maybe not. We’ll see.
After waking late this morning, I went to the page to complete my morning pages over coffee. And this is what came out:
Good morning, good morning. ( This sentence ran into the date I’d just wrote moments before).
Wow at least I’m just doing mistakes on the page & not in real life. Do I avoid real life? I know when I’m off social media or when I shy away from the news, it is to protect me from the real world because the ‘truth’ they are peeling is direct & fake and flawed. (And hurts me. My soul.)
But it’s still facts & information & journalism & biased & not ‘for real.’ I mean we say it’s a fact about the time and the date. But ‘time’ is a construct. It was a construct to make money – colonial time. I took it as a fact but really it’s all fake or a mechanism of control. The same for ‘race’.
I was thinking it was a given but again ‘race’ is a construct. It was created to justify the exploitation & extraction & brutalisation of one group of people by another. “They can’t feel pain right so what we’re doing to them doesn’t matter”, they said. “They don’t exist on the same plain, the same level as us. So chill your boots. It’s okay. They’re not human.”
All this musing feeds into what I’ve been reading of late, especially Fugitive Feminism where Akwugo Emejulu who argues that because humanity is tied to whiteness, Black Women, who I am interested in, will never be human. So why bother? Why engage with society on their terms/ these terms hoping one day you’ll be accepted when you know that label, that status of being human will never be attained? Instead, why not speculative about alternatives, about other ways of being, other ways of knowing ( conjuring) which do not depend on being human?
What possibilities could I begin to conjure?
This is where I’m at this morning. Tired and drinking my coffee but already allowing my imaginings to run wild. To be fugitive.
After a busy and brutal period of being out in the world working for the man, I’m resting. But already just after a couple of days rest, I’m coming back to myself. Coming back to what floats my boat, and gets the creative juices flowing. Thank you.
October Fall
I love this season. This is my season. This is birthday season. And I usually have so many things planned that I blink and miss the season. And I also feel a bit gipped because this season is taken up by Halloween and Christmas celebrations that no sooner that I have my autumn leaves wreath on my front door that I’ve got to replace it with the Christmas one.
So as a gift to myself as well as some breathing space, this season I’m bringing out the poetry and I’m writing a poem a day to cherish the moment. To live and breathe into the season.
I hope to share my creations here.
I know I have a lot to share here about the last few months too. I’m not sure what I have shared here. But I do know it feels good to take the time each day to exercise my imagination and be inspired to write again for me. But I’m sharing too.
I was thinking this morning back from the school run what can I do this season to support myself. Support the ease into hibernation mode but still get through the last few commitments and chores of the year. And I feel in my heart that writing poetry or attempting to dive into my dreams ( and nightmares) is a way of giving myself that much needed support. Keeping me creative but also keeping me sane.
I hope you join me in this journey one more time.
Paying Attention
What’s the trait you value most about yourself?
Things have been busy over here. At some point, probably at hibernation time, I’ll be at rest to share the developments. But for now …
My trait that I value, particularly at this time of year and in this time of busy, is my ability to pay attention.
To take a moment to breathe, look around and savour the beauty. Some beauty at each moment.
Reading into Fall
The days are growing shorter. The nights are drawing in. And I’m very grateful for a number of things. One of them is that I spent some time this summer getting back into reading.
Maybe it was the long drives or the long light nights, but I scratched an itch and came out 10 books down by the end of August.
I rested up over the summer and I also pulled out some books and dived head first into a bunch of summer reads. Physical books, kindle books and audio books.
I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions as I made my way through some class act reads and I wasn’t sticking to my usual crime.
I’ve read romance, erotica, literary and comedy. And now with September here, I’ve continued. I’m also keeping track. Keeping a record of my reads.
There are times I’m knee deep in a story and I have to stop because I’m reading that fast and I want the goodness to last.
You know that feeling right?
Other times I have to stop because I’m enjoying myself so much, loving the story and have to give thanks for finally getting back into a reading streak.
I’m not sure how it happened. I think I just kept turning up. Kept turning up to the page. I think it helped that I found a good book series too. And then I found it being read by actors so well that I was hooked.
I found BookBeat and Amy Award’s Cocky Kingmans. I’ll write more about this series and what it opened up for me but if you’re interested in getting a free trial of BookBeat for 70 days just check it out here.
No catch just the chance to get into reading/ listening at a good time of year to snuggle and get cosy with a good book.
Time to Rest
How do you relax?
This week has been busy. Schools are back and the summer is just hard to shake off, even if I wanted to
Tired has been the word of the week. So tired. Thank God it’s Friday and time to relax.
I know I’ve earned it. So what do I do? I get into the sea. She has the power to excite and relax me both at the same time. I’m washed clean after a quick dip in the North Sea, taking a moment to express my gratitude for this blessing.
Living by the sea never gets old, never gets boring as she is never the same sea twice. Seas would be a more accurate word to describe her.
A Handmade Month
This month is hurtling along and September is just around the corner. With my favourite season of the year – Autumn.
But we’re still in Summwr for now. Still a few days left of August and I’m here after a luscious seaswim, with coffee and journal trying to make sense of the last few weeks.
I’m back from Ireland and I can’t believe I did it really. It was another world, another time. To just have to think about driving to my next park up each day and feasting my eyes on the landscapes and seascapes was a gift. I’m so glad I did it. And of course I have to go back as I didn’t cover all of the coast. I finished just inside County Kerry and just part ways around the Ring of Kerry. But in no way am I disappointed. To wake up every morning within different bay or coastline or treeline and get into water well I’m so grateful.
I know my adventures with the wild Atlantic coast helped me fall back in love with my own coastline as it’s been hit and miss this year with the sea. And getting in her!
The images above are taken from the handmade journal I created to take on my travels. There’s still pages left so I’ll continue to use it. It’s a mixture of cartridge paper and brown wrapping paper. Both covered in acrylic papers and ink and images and quotes and stickers. A hodge podge of reflections and moments and a-ha moments. But the texture and the crinkle of papers is divine.
One spread is my habit tracker for the month of August. On reflection the habit that I have kept the most this month has been reading. After submitting my poetry manuscript at the beginning of the month ( thank goodness), I’ve had more time and headspace to pick up a book or listen to an audio book. Blog newsletter article. Anything really I could get my hands on I’ve been reading. I didn’t realise how much I’ve been missing out on long periods of reading for pleasure and joy. What was best was listening to audiobooks while driving. I was getting so involved with the plots and characters because of the strength of writing but also because of the voices of the readers. I was laughing and crying and whooping behind the wheel of Kiwi and loving it.
So with the month coming to an end and the nights drawing in, I intend to get cosy with more books and reading. I’m between projects, writing as well as coordinating them, and I’m just more than willing and ready to fill my pot with juicy words, images and ideas before I think of next steps.
I know I’ll be using my visual journal to collect any thoughts, feelings and ideas that percolate through so I don’t miss any nuggets but also to keep the conversation going with myself.
I planned the Summer to be about rest and time away and just doing what I love. And it hasn’t disappointed. I’m grateful I put myself first and had the resources to be able to disappear from the public realm and work and other commitments to feed my soul.
Thank you as always for coming a long on the journey with me.
X
As the rhythm starts to sway
Taking to the Waters
Living Wild Studios 