listen to your heart. allow the serpent to wrap itself around you.
there’s danger yes, risk. but also joy and pleasure to have.
let go, don’t hold on to tight. let the apples fall where they fall.
just savour the h=juicy connection, the meeting of bodies and mind.
be your full self. it is them who cannot not handle your full heart.
the rot is theirs not yours.
You said you would paint my nails. Red. Because red would looks good on my skin. Purple even. This man. You blew so much hot air up my arse I was floating. Floating on fucking air all the way down there. 260 miles. 260 miles of Soca hits, blaring out the mini speaker. Getting me in the mood to wind up my waist. I’ve never felt so much carnival in my blood. Jouvert, jumping up in the midnight light, throwing paint, bodies slick with sweat, couldn’t beat the heightened anticipation of our meet. Lips thick, juicy enough to suck on. Like pork belly off the bone. Thick and sweet. They could become addictive. If only you’d check your attitude. Rude. And you think you elevated. Wise beyond your years and I better listen. Educate. Please! You better check yourself because this arse is moving out faster than when I got here. As I recognise, you might not be so much one of those bots, but you sure can scam. Making out you’re the jealous type and now I’m off the market because I’m yours. Excuse me, but our time has to come to an end sooner than you might have been planning. You mighty fine, but I’ve seen your ugliness and I ain’t buying it no more. To think I wanted to suck on those lips for eternity. Fool that I am.
It would help if the get together is for some occasion.
Say a birthday.
Something involving the children and then you are honour bound.
This somehow helps in softening the annoyance and the avoidance.
Stay away from alcohol.
If you still need the courage try zero beer.
Still the light floral taste with bubbles without the poisonous buzz that would loosen tongues and resentment.
Keep the conversation light and centred on the children.
Avoid eye contact at all times.
Try not to be left alone at any point in the proceedings.
At this point, they tend to ask personal questions like they still have a right to know your business.
Smile and be aversive.
Keep your life and goings on close to your chest.
You are no longer theirs so you owe them nothing especially your heart.
Your life. Your light.
Skip desert. Split the bill.
Definitely make your own way home to your own safe space where you no longer have to deal with their shit.
Breathe.
If you were to ask me to stop cleaning the bathroom and come and sit by you, I would.
I would gladly throw down this cloth, take off these rubber gloves and come cuddle up on the couch with you.
The sink can wait to be rinsed. The toilet can wait to smell piney. The bath can wait to gleam clean.
I’d forego to all, even the tiled floor, to come be by your side and let you whisper into my ear, caress my neck, stroke my forearm.
Tell me how lovely I am, and how you can’t get enough of me. That the stars have no contest when I smile. That your life was barren until I came along.
He’ll, I’d even leave the smudges in the mirror, to have you put your arm around my waist and pull me into a sweet slow kiss.
All you gonna do is ask.
I’m reimagining a better version of what a lover feels like. I’m walking away from what feels familiar and safe. I’m listening to what my soul is crying out for.
How I yearn to show up in the world might not always be accepted and celebrated. But that’s okay because the person who needs to accept and celebrate my relationships is me.
I’m pouring myself into the people I’m choosing to be my people. No longer holding out or resenting those who don’t serve me.
I’m doing things differently because I choose to and that excites me!
Living Wild Studios 