place

Find me in the backyard

| Sheree

This weekend you’ll find me in the backyard.

It’s nothing major or anything spectacular. All the the time I’ve lived here which will be coming into it’s third year at the beginning of July, the yard hasn’t really featured on my radar. Yes maybe to put the washing out or store my bike. But as a place to hang out, like an extension my home, no way. Maybe having neighbours who allowed their dogs to pee and shit in their backyard which is joined to mine, separated only by a short fence, was a put off. It was a smelly place I didn’t want to be.

Now we have the sun, the fresh air and the morning bird song, I find myself flocking to the backyard as soon as I wake. I throw open the kitchen door and give thanks for seeing another day. I’m setting up a table and chair and having my morning coffee in the backyard while I visual journal. It’s helping me with my mood. I feel as if Mother Nature is holding me once more as I go through a health issue that is making me stay close to home.

I know I’m privileged to have an outdoor space which is private. It’s waiting for me to put my mark on it. Of course that will involve colour. But for the moment, with my permaculture hat on, I’m just observing and interacting within the space. I’m sitting in the backyard and marking where the sun is and moves. I’m dreaming into the space and opening up to how I want to feel while in this space.

At the moment, I’m feeling expansive within the space, within a contained way. It feels good to feel the sun on my skin and the breeze moving through my hair and clothes. It’s being outside as well as being inside, as my kitchen is just there for a refill. I’m also close to Miss Ella’s bedroom window and I can hear her talking to herself or watching TV, chatting to her friends. The backyard is my sanctuary and I want more.

There is something here in terms of fugitivity. There is a quote that I used just the other day when I finally completed my chapter on black mothering and fugitivity. Hold on let me find it …

In Stolen Life (2018), Moten writes, “Fugitivity … is a desire for and a spirit of escape and transgression of the proper and the proposed. It’s a desire for the outside, for a playing or being outside, an outlaw edge proper to the now always already improper voice or instrument” (131). BECOMING FUGITIVE: refusing what has been refused of us dr. sheree mack

That desire for the outside, I’m feeling it on so many levels. I’m choosing to lean into it. No matter where it leads, I’m enjoying how it feels. I’m enjoying that sense of freedom, out from the enclosure. Continue.

Hello And Welcome

| Sheree

I feel better now. I feel as if a weight has been lifted off of me and I can finally breathe again.

In March this year I announced to my substack followers that I was fixing to leave the platform because I could no longer be there in the light of their tendencies to allow racism to be spread on the platform. I was fixing to leave and then did nothing about it. But this also meant I didn’t write anything else there either. Until today.

I wrote about the above little purple flower. And how they and I have something in common, we choose to grow where we choose to grow and thrive in the process. In the cracks, in the margins, we find freedom.

I’ve left substack now but left my archive.

I simply migrated my subscribers from there to here. Totally understand if this isn’t your bag and you choose to leave. But this is my home and there is no place I find more safe and reassuring and room to grow than here, my own website. This is something I’ve been forgetting of late as I’ve been quiet and to some extent paralysed therefore. not really writing, sharing or dreaming in public for reasons I’m not too sure. But I’ll find out in time, all will be revealed. I trust in the process, in my decisions and in my potential to create my centre out of the margins and edges.

So welcome to my home. I hope you’ll be comfortable here. This home has been around since 2017 and it’s a creative archive of my progress and process which I am very proud of and continue to invest in. I’m happy you could stop by.

Let’s not be strangers and let’s connect on a deeper level. Always x

Meditative Walks

| Sheree

Thank goodness for the long light nights. They’ve been pulling me outdoors. Even after full days of activities, I’m finding solace in evening walks. Alone with my thoughts. Alone with my feelings.

I appreciate these spaces and places I roam. Allowing my senses to land upon some beauty. Some part of nature to hold my attention. To hold my hope.

Thank you.