This is when I know I need to get into my body and get into a loving relationship with self. I need to silence the crap rolling around in my head about my self and this world we live in and start loving on myself.
Taking myself on a Photowalk outside as well as inside brings me joy.
The act of moving and recording it, making a record of it brings me right back into the present and helps me to realise what a blessing life really is.
A life not to be wasted away on useless, soul destroying negative self- talk and that crippling sense of failure.
Nah looking myself in the eyes and still being able to smile at myself for myself brings me joy.!
The weight of our darkness, stress, and anxiety can sometimes overpower us—but in our heavy moments, it’s crucial to remember that our worthiness remains intact, even when we falter.
When times have been tough in the past and I’ve been way down on myself, I’ve adopted a practice which has seen me through, which has allowed me to see myself again with grace and compassion and love. Some people might call them selfies but me I call it self-portraiture.
For the next five days, I’ll be sharing images I’ve taken of myself over the last few months while in hibernation as a means of support to get me back to myself. And it’s a process, a never ending process of becoming but I’m here documenting it, allowing it to be seen because that’s part of the process also. Being seen on my one terms.
Today I’m grateful that a project which has been 2 years in the planning is finally coming to fruition.
Black Nature in Residence rides again but this time bigger and better. Five creatives in five Northern National Parks. Working with identity on tyne again, we’re proud to make things happen in the creative and cultural industries for others who look like us.
The snow is still with us. Melting yes. Slushy yes. A bit dirty in places yes. But if I look carefully, I can still see the beauty and the moments of quiet and stillness and wonder.
I’m grateful today for a roof over my head to keep warm and safe. Yes I’m grateful for being safe and all who I love are safe too. Thank you.
As it stands I’ve completed 20 miles of the 52.4 miles for the month of May. Nearly half way there and not even half way through the month yet. So pleased with how I’m moving.
I’ve mentioned my mum and walking , but she’s not my only inspiration when it comes to putting one foot in front of another.
At this time of year when growing up in Bradford, May light nights and rising temperatures, after tea ( as I am a Yorkshire lass!), each evening we would go out for walks. Dad and Mum, sis and me.
Of course I didn’t want to do it. It felt like a punishment. A cruel exercise is working out our energy before bedtime. How I hated going to be in the light nights.
We set out from our maisonette flat, take the bridge over the dual carriage way, to walk up the hill past the textile factories and into the rabbit warren estates of ‘Little Jamaica’.
My only joys of these evening walks, we’re picking up scraps of fur from the toy making factories and lining my pockets with them so I could stroke their softness while I walked.
The only other joy was if we called in Dad and Mum’s friend Beverley who lived over on the other side of the road, who had a son called Ivor, that I quite liked. He had Thunderbirds toys I liked to play with too.
These evening walks were something I endured. Something to get through. Now as I’m older, appreciating the light nights for walks out, I’m inflicting the same ritual on my daughter when she’s staying with me. Ignoring her complaints and marching her out the door.
And on those evenings that I walk alone, covering more miles and sinking deeper into my body and the present moment, no longer needed are scraps of fur in my pocket to keep me walking.
The act of walking itself, being outside with all nature has to offer, with heart and soul open is enough to feel joy and gratitude and light.
“There can be no repetition because the essence of that expression is insistence, and if you insist you must each time use emphasis and if you use emphasis it is not possible while anybody is alive that they should use exactly the same emphasis.”
“That is what makes life that the insistence is different, no matter how often you tell the same story if there is anything alive in the telling the emphasis is different.”
Gertrude Stein—from “Portraits and Repetition”
the sky feeds us continuous greys and harsh words from ugly white mouths, and yet we enter the frame
clasped hands in lap or right hand on chest, like in allegiance, mouth forced upwards as best clothes stiffen backs and resolve;
a practised pose, easy to send back home as proof of promises made good, mother country come good, it’s expected
the camera will point and lie for generations; the flash will blind us, to our naivety, to their hate and ungratefulness
I’ve been resting. Resting for me looks like house and dog sitting for the weekend. It‘a getting up early for dog walks and then doing it again and again for the rest of the day. Getting out and stretching our legs.
Chirton Dene Park
And I’m not complaining. It’s good to be out there greeting the light. Well what little there is. As the fog came in during the night and stayed. Creeping into the daytime too.
Royal Quays Marina
We get into a rhythm Mila and me on our walks. Short lead near roads. Long leads in the park with expansive greens. She knows though to stop and wait while I take pictures of things that take my fancy. That make me slow down, stop and look closer.
There is still so much beauty left for the season. Still so much colour which is even more striking and startling as they cry out from the grey. The fog. The chill.
Living Wild Studios 