love

a much appreciated gift

| Sheree

After a really successful visual journaling retreat in Sheffield, which I’ll share about soon, I was gifted this handmade journal.

Made from wallpaper, eco-dyed papers and love, Dal Kular, a wonderful friend and fellow mischief maker gifted me this journal. Off shots from a bigger, much bigger journal she created in connection with her creative in residence in Peak District National Park, Dal wanted me to have this beauty.

I know Dal was proud of it and knew that I would put it to good use. I dived into using it start away. I needed the clarity of a new journal, while on the road with Kiwi and this journal is fulfilling that need and want, remarkably well.

I’ll be back later this week to share the completed journal spreads.

creative dispatches

| Sheree

sometimes i’m writing. my body is writing and she doesn’t know . she doesn’t know what / how/ where. the body just doesn’t know yet what to say. how to say it.

my body writes what is doesn’t know yet.

what is put down on the page, the words and language doesn’t know either. what is it trying to say?what does it know? what doesn’t it know?

i was going to say that things become clearer in the process. but that’s not true. in the process more questions are raised. not answers. but more curiosity, wonder and play.

here, i’ve cultivated a safe space. a safe container where i can be intimate and vulnerable. i can experiment and play to locate my voice, my knowledge and wisdom.

i embark on another journey with my body writing what she doesn’t know after completing an amazing commission/ gig/ assignment. i’ll share soon. i feel depleted after fullness. i’m tired but also lost.

i know i need to rest before anything else. so i rest for now. i rest in the not knowing.

pink frosting and all things nice

| Sheree

you can not say i did not give generously.

you can not say i did not give openly.

you can not say i did not give my truth.

you can not say i did not give my care.

you can not say i did not give my sweetness.

you can say though, i did not take your shit.

you can say i did not take your childish ways.

you can say i did not take your attention or care

and i most definitely did not take you heart.

peony practice

| Sheree

peony, oxeye daisy, foliage and rose.

i practice their names like i practice how to breathe

without you. i smell you still upon the covers, upon my skin.

citrus, moss and burnt wood. your magic seeped under

my skin into the blood. hypnotising my senses and made

me light, made me forgetful and soft. no regrets.

i only wish, i had kept my eyes open in order to see your guise slip

like a big blousy peony petal to the earth.

the orange fish is softer and warmer than you

| Sheree

let me embrace the orange fish. the orange fish compliments my dress.

compliments my wanting lips and heart, much better, much softer than you.

as i hold my heart in haste and protection, let me embrace something that is willing

more open to my grace than you. i thought i made myself clear, i’m not here to

stare into cold glass eyes, twisted thoughts and warps hands and heart.

let the wind blow through my hair and take all promises of you away too.

the rooms may be empty but this orange fish will make me warmer,

the sweetness is ruined

| Sheree

stuck in the dark, you ruminate over what went wrong.

did you give too much in too little time?

did you show your soul too soon, too full?

stop. you will never know his being, his concealment.

his omission. grieve if you must. but it is his loss.

you are still full, still sweet, still in control

of the cake, the knife, your heart.

sacred love

| Sheree

listen to your heart. allow the serpent to wrap itself around you.

there’s danger yes, risk. but also joy and pleasure to have.

let go, don’t hold on to tight. let the apples fall where they fall.

just savour the h=juicy connection, the meeting of bodies and mind.

be your full self. it is them who cannot not handle your full heart.

the rot is theirs not yours.

affairs of the heart

| Sheree

i enter the arena on my own terms

looking for what, i do not know

but I’m open and caring, wise and full

the reveal i did not see coming, the betray

harsh and bitter like garlic, it was his insecurities

still i’m the one pinned to the board

like a specimen, like a freak, like a crushed butterfly

what can i do? what can i say?

| Sheree

Unconsciously I set myself the task of being creative everyday. A good way of marking this practice, was and still is, turning up here on this blog and posting something. Anything. A word, a quote, an image, an essay, an epiphany.

Some days, I’ve not had the time or energy or bandwidth to create anything, other days when I’ve felt this way, I’ve still turned up and done something. Anything. I’ve wanted to bring in some consistency within a world where consistency is irrelevant and pointless in the grand scheme of things. When the world is on fire, when Palestinians are dying of starvation and gunfire. When anti-immigration riots erupted once more in the UK. When tropical storms kill people in the Philippines. And when Syria returns to bloodshed. The list could go on of more countries and peoples around the world suffering at the hands of others, who do not see them as human or care about them.

I get sick of hearing the news. Watching the news. Seeing the headlines. I look away. I look away because I can and then chastise myself for dong so. There’s something in witnessing it all, even though it hurts my soul. What can I do? What can I say?

I get frustrated with all the hypocrisy I witness. The double standards. The lack of justice. People saying we’re doing this to them because we’ve been persecuted for so long so have a right, or are justified in persecuting other people now. I’m a white man and I rape women and children, but I’m protesting about (illegal) immigrants coming over here and raping our women and children. Everything is operating within this world to keep a few in power and wealth at the expense of other people deemed inferior and dispensable.

I hate hate. I can’t stand it. I see it in the screwed up faces of people hauling abuse at vulnerable people. It’s been there within the marrow of their bones for centuries. Grown white adults, hurling abuse at little black children. Not seeing them as children but as beasts, beasts to destroy. It breaks my heart and disgusts me, but what can I say? What can I do?

I can stop myself from feeing powerless. I can stop my handwringing, and getting frustrated with myself and use this energy otherwise. I can make art to bring about change. No matter how small that change, starting from myself and vibrating out.

I can create stories of an imagined alternative, better, other world. I can create zines which challenge and refuse what has already been refused of us. I can blog about my own experiences in order to connect with others. I can paint/ print posters to raise awareness and change the messages of hate to love and hope. I can create community and create change together, one stitch, one word, one voice at a time. I can create poetry to create conversation. I can self-care so I can in turn community-care. I can donate time, money, resources to a cause I believe in and that is bringing about a better society. I can lean more into mutual aid to divest from racial capitalism.

I can keep showing up here, craving out a safe and brave space on the internet that is liberatory worldmaking, on my own terms.