I don’t remember when I lost my most important treasure

The Goddess Series, 2023

I don’t remember when I started to hurt.

I don’t remember when I gave up on myself being enough, being worthy.

I don’t remember when I gave myself away to others at the expense of not keeping any goodness for me.

I don’t remember when I started to hate on myself and wishing myself away, wishing myself into something or someone else. Anything else but this. Anything other than who I really am.

I don’t remember when I started to hide myself away became secretive and dishonest as a means of protection and advancement.

I don’t remember when I stopped being my own best friend and started to seek this relationship, this love and attention elsewhere.

I don’t remember when I betrayed myself by thinking that I was someone who didn’t deserve to be here, as someone worthy of love and happiness and joy.

I don’t remember when I started to listen to others, the outside world and stopped listening to my heart, to my own wisdom.

I don’t remember when I stopped just {being} instead of doing. When {being} was enough.

I don’t remember when I stoped paying attention to what lights me up, my wants and needs, what makes me smile.

I don’t remember when I stopped being a child and took the burdens of the world on to my little shoulders like they belonged there.

I don’t remember when I stopped being in love with myself and gave this love to others who were not deserving of my love, who could not see me as me.

I don’t remember when I began to think I needed other people to love me instead of me just loving on me.

I don’t remember when or how or why all this happened, I just feel it. And now, here I am trying to get back to me, to me loving on me, the most important treasure, lost.

Undoing

with each word

i write

i am undoing

you from

my heart

i am undoing

your lips

from mine

your hand

from mine

i am undoing

your power

over me

The Releasing

This space is to remember the losses, the challenges and struggles of 2022. This is the space to let go and surrender to what has gone, goodbye and what is here now.

The releasing is a practice, a continuing practice, but I have to start somewhere.

2022 saw me release my fantasy of marriage. Holding onto the dreams and hopes of that relationship. The certainty of marriage and that promises of growing old with someone I loved; I let go of. What is the point of pining after something that was never going to happen and missing out on the life I have now? The life I’m creating for myself, day by day, money by moment.

I’m letting go of my need for control. Micro-managing everybody and every situation is tiring and no longer needed. I’m ready to embrace the unknown.

Lensa AI

I release my need and desire for love from others, love from someone else because I know the love I need has to come from myself, first and foremost.

And I release all those secrets and lies that I’ve been holding onto as a means of control and as a means of protection. I lay down my guard, opening as I am ready to listen and learn.

Other

she is a sad

replacement

for the woman

you lost

the woman

you allowed

to leave

because

you were

never

man enough

to hold

Shine

i had too much

shine

for you not

to want

to take

a piece

it’s a shame

you continue

to take it

once you

are gone