hibernation

The End of 2024

| Sheree
Glencoe, December 2024

I’m choosing to end 2024 with gratitude. I’m choosing to give thanks for 2024 and to recognise the abundance.

Checking through my visual journals of the year and there is evidence of joy and creativity and love but there is also difficulty, scarcity and rage.

But here on the precipice of 2025, I’m choosing to focus on the present and the gifts that 2024 has given me.

In this moment, on New Year’s Eve, I am grateful to have returned to one of my favourite places in the world to bring in the New Year; Glencoe, the Scottish Highlands.

Etive, Glencoe, December 2024

Anyone following my blog from last year will know this is where I spent the New Year last/ this year, 2023 into 2024. My friend of old and I were booked into The Kinghouse Hotel here for their New Year’s celebration package. It was a luxurious affair and reminded me of a holiday camp as we were bombarded with activities, food and drink and entertainment for 4 days. And it snowed.

Alex and me, last year in Glencoe

This year there is no such luxury but that doesn’t take away from my joy and gratitude for being here now. I’m in Glencoe, for the first time, with Kiwi my campervan. This trip up in the wind and rain and dark is fulfilling a dream of mine. To park up for many nights in the shadow of my favourite mountain Etive.

Etive, Glencoe, December 2024

I’ve just been sitting in my van, watching the clouds roll over the peaks. I’ve totally slowed down and have finally started to appreciate the hibernation mode which started in November, with fits and starts as I kept getting disturbed.

I’m grateful that I have the privilege of being able to hibernate, to escape from the world of work and commitments to rest and dream. I’m tightening my belt, living frugally in certain ways, so I can have the next few months off work. Off the clock, off the colonial clock. Because I think, no I know, that 2024 burnt me out. Not just from the amount of work but also from the kind of work of was. I spent hours and energy supporting other people’s dreams in a system which doesn’t recognise our humanity never-mind our dreams. Daily I was going to battle, constantly having to repeat myself as well as explain and justify our existence and right to life/ work/ dreams/ success. It was tiring and demoralising and traumatic. It is only now that I can allow the sheer weight of it to fall away as I’ve been carrying it for a long time. And I’m tired.

So to be in the Highlands, on my own terms, in my own space, not having to see or talk or be with anyone else, is my happy place. And I’m grateful for it.

There is a severe weather warning up here. Edinburgh has cancelled its New Year celebrations because of this weather. High winds, rain, a lot of rain and maybe snow. For the last few nights, I’ve felt the wind and rain lash against Kiwi, we’ve been rocking and rolling but we’re safe and warm and I’m grateful for that.

I’m like in a little cocoon. I have everything I need to wait out the storm, two duvets and thermal clothing, water and food all help for which I am truly grateful. Because I’m living off grid as well as learning to live with less. And with that does come a lot of gratitude.

Inside Kiwi, van sounds

I recognise it in the food I prepare and eat here. Little plates of goodness which are simple but nourishing and enough.

Cooking inside the van

So as I plan to wave goodbye to 2024 and welcome in 2025, I’m cocooned within a circle of gratitude for what is now in the present moment. I’m warm and safe and have a feast for my eyes and tastes and soul to keep me satisfied. I’m very grateful to be able to continue to live out my dreams on my own terms. Thank you x

A Small Stone

| Sheree

A small stone is a few words or lines that tried to describe a moment observed; a fragment that tried to capture a moment.

A small stone creates an intimacy with whatever is being observed. It creates a close relationship with whatever is true in the world rather than being distant and disconnected.

A small stone forces us to slow down and connect with the world around us. I used to have this as a daily practice as I tried to tune into my experiences within the world. As I tried to become aware of the beauty within each moment.

As I dive deeper into hibernation mode this winter, I’m resurrecting the practice of a small stone a day because I’ve been feeling out of sorts. I’ve been feeling disconnected from my surroundings, from nature, from this beautiful world around me.

I want to pay attention more, I want to be once more aware. More awake. A small stone a day is a practice that will support my journey of being on this world and wanting to be more sympathetic to others, be less judgemental and more open.

So I’m giving myself December to get back into the practice is a small stone a day. You are more than welcome to join me.

Morning Pages – 24/10/24

| Sheree
From a morning wander/ stagger!

I’ve just started a new course with Lighthouse Writers Workshop called Manifestations—Reading and Writing Speculative Nonfiction! with Kanika Agrawal. It works out that it’s early morning for me at its run on mountain time. This might help my speculative imaginings but maybe not. We’ll see.

After waking late this morning, I went to the page to complete my morning pages over coffee. And this is what came out:

Good morning, good morning. ( This sentence ran into the date I’d just wrote moments before).

Wow at least I’m just doing mistakes on the page & not in real life. Do I avoid real life? I know when I’m off social media or when I shy away from the news, it is to protect me from the real world because the ‘truth’ they are peeling is direct & fake and flawed. (And hurts me. My soul.)

But it’s still facts & information & journalism & biased & not ‘for real.’ I mean we say it’s a fact about the time and the date. But ‘time’ is a construct. It was a construct to make money – colonial time. I took it as a fact but really it’s all fake or a mechanism of control. The same for ‘race’.

I was thinking it was a given but again ‘race’ is a construct. It was created to justify the exploitation & extraction & brutalisation of one group of people by another. “They can’t feel pain right so what we’re doing to them doesn’t matter”, they said. “They don’t exist on the same plain, the same level as us. So chill your boots. It’s okay. They’re not human.”

All this musing feeds into what I’ve been reading of late, especially Fugitive Feminism where Akwugo Emejulu who argues that because humanity is tied to whiteness, Black Women, who I am interested in, will never be human. So why bother? Why engage with society on their terms/ these terms hoping one day you’ll be accepted when you know that label, that status of being human will never be attained? Instead, why not speculative about alternatives, about other ways of being, other ways of knowing ( conjuring) which do not depend on being human?

What possibilities could I begin to conjure?

This is where I’m at this morning. Tired and drinking my coffee but already allowing my imaginings to run wild. To be fugitive.

After a busy and brutal period of being out in the world working for the man, I’m resting. But already just after a couple of days rest, I’m coming back to myself. Coming back to what floats my boat, and gets the creative juices flowing. Thank you.

October Fall

| Sheree

I love this season. This is my season. This is birthday season. And I usually have so many things planned that I blink and miss the season. And I also feel a bit gipped because this season is taken up by Halloween and Christmas celebrations that no sooner that I have my autumn leaves wreath on my front door that I’ve got to replace it with the Christmas one.

So as a gift to myself as well as some breathing space, this season I’m bringing out the poetry and I’m writing a poem a day to cherish the moment. To live and breathe into the season.

I hope to share my creations here.

I know I have a lot to share here about the last few months too. I’m not sure what I have shared here. But I do know it feels good to take the time each day to exercise my imagination and be inspired to write again for me. But I’m sharing too.

I was thinking this morning back from the school run what can I do this season to support myself. Support the ease into hibernation mode but still get through the last few commitments and chores of the year. And I feel in my heart that writing poetry or attempting to dive into my dreams ( and nightmares) is a way of giving myself that much needed support. Keeping me creative but also keeping me sane.

I hope you join me in this journey one more time.

Paying Attention

| Sheree

What’s the trait you value most about yourself?

Things have been busy over here. At some point, probably at hibernation time, I’ll be at rest to share the developments. But for now …

My trait that I value, particularly at this time of year and in this time of busy, is my ability to pay attention.

To take a moment to breathe, look around and savour the beauty. Some beauty at each moment.