gratitude

A Blazing Ascent

| Sheree

Happy New Year! Yes I know January 1st 2024 has come and gone. And yes I know it’s probably well past the time period to be wishing anyone, anywhere a happy new year. But I don’t care. This is when I’m coming back to the website, the blog, the public domain. March 2024.

I didn’t plan it as I didn’t think it would be possible this year what with my commitments all over the place but it does feel like that I’ve been on retreat for the last 3 months; the first 3 months of 2024. What with one thing or another; illness, lack of energy, lack of focus, lack of motivation, I’ve had to just ease myself into this year. And I still don’t feel that I’m fully present to this time period yet, but I’m getting there.

I had to intentionally put this into my to -do list today; to turn up here and write something. There’s been the lack of motivation and energy thing but there’s also been a block, or limitations I’ve been putting on myself in term of creating here or anywhere. I’ve been caught in a loop of asking myself, what have I got to say? What can I say as the world is falling apart? Nothing seemed/seems enough. I wasn’t good enough. So let’s stay hidden and quiet and safe, I convinced myself.

But there is only so long that I can live with myself doing/ being this/that. I was getting comfortable being uncomfortable or getting comfortable in numbing myself to the uncomfortable feelings as a means of getting by and through and over and under. To just breathe.

I return today simply to cross something off my to-do list. But in many ways it is so much more than just that. I’m back, I’m ascending out of the ashes into some kind of flame. Or at least the pilot light is back on in terms of writing/ being here/ turning up.

One thing that has been on a constant burn, a low humming of heat over these last 4 or 5 months has been my visual journaling practice. The image above was created today at my table in the corner of my bedroom where I’ve gotten into the habit of turning up daily just to see what wants to appear. I’ve been listening to the ancestors, the guides who want to speak. I’ve been enjoying the process.

I’ll be sharing some more visual journal spreads in the coming days as well as curating a new portfolio to archive them all in one place as if I don’t archive my creative practice, who else will?

But more to come. I’m just happy to be back here.

This Week

| Sheree

The aim this month was to turn up here everyday and post something; words, images. Anything. Anything that would be used as evidence of my presence. Of my joy and my gratitude.

And now I look and see I’ve missed the last 7 days. And for now I don’t have the energy to go back over this week and pull out the good parts. Or maybe even the bad.

I just know that time is fleeting and speeding. Before we know it, we’ll be in 2024. And I’m not sure I want to waste any more time living in the past.

I’m wanting more and more to live in the present. This is what I’m grateful for; the time and means and ability to live in the present. Live/ love with each day as it comes.

Chopwell Woods

Gratitude for my body

| Sheree
Whitley Bay, 12 December 2023

I’ve spent decades hating on my body.

Too big, too fat, too black for most spaces, places, people. So I thought or was lead to believe.

I’ve spent decades trying to get rid of my body.

Make it smaller, make it thinner, make it whiter. All the time knowing I was wasting my time, energy and money. But that didn’t stop me.

I was hard wired into chasing the perfect body, the ideal standard of beauty. Which just wasn’t me and my body.

Slowly, with care, self-love, mindset changes and practice, I’m learning to appreciate my body and all the spaces and places and people she takes me.

Through my body I get to experience this world and all its terrible beauty. And right now, as that’s all we can depend on/ should focus on/ breathe into, I’m loving on my body from the inside out.

I’m offering her grace and compassion as she continues to move me through this world. Allowing me to be here, {being} myself in all my fucked up glory.

And isn’t that fucking awesome!

Today my body walked me into the sea to remind me to feel again. To remind me I’m alive again. To remind me that we are only here for a short, brief time so shouldn’t we try to squeeze all the feels, sweet and not so sweet, out of it while we’re here?

My body supports me in this mission.

Every. Single. Moment.

Thank you x

Returning to the Highlands

| Sheree

The Glencoe region of Scotland has always held a special place in my heart. When the kids were little, we’d do driving tours up there, jumping from one Premier Inn to another really just to satisfy my own cravings for the Scottish landscape. The wide open spaces, the lochs and glens and mountains.

I created a self-imposed retreat in November when other plans fell through. I took my time to drive into the highlands knowing I was returning to my favourite hotel out there. Kinghouse Hotel, Glencoe.

The plan was simple to rest, walk and create. And I wasn’t disappointed by the scenery, the service, the weather or the creativity.

It was gift to just focus on me and my creativity. A luxury I was truly grateful for. I just want to do it again and again and again.

I fell in love with a mountain and glen up there. So I’ll have to return if we’re going courting!

Buachaille Etive Mòr

Linger

| Sheree

I thought the snow would come and go especially with living by the coast. There’s something in the air, maybe it’s the salt from the sea, which makes snow here a fleeting thing.

But she’s stayed the last few days and has dug in. Fresh snow falling over night. Clinging to roof tops, layer upon layer, creating slippery paths and doorsteps.

But as I’ve said before there is something magical about snow and how it silences the air. Almost like a cocoon is created in the world you’re walking through/{being} within.

So like the child that still lingers inside of me, I’ve been taking joy in the snow lingering and transforming my world into a safe and cosy cocoon away from the harshness of the other world.

The North Sea

| Sheree

Do you have a favorite place you have visited? Where is it?

Longsands, Tynemouth

I’m grateful to live by the sea.

After a traumatic time in my life, I advocated for myself. I needed time to heal and forget. To be soothed and held.

So I proposed to my family a move to the coast was needed. That’s nearly 15 years ago now. And maybe that move has been thrown back in my face at different times by certain people, I’ve never regretted the move.

Being able to see the sea daily, even if there are times I forgot and neglect this ritual, has been beneficial for my soul, n never mind my body and mind. My soul.

The sea is my soul food. And there have been many times, many times in the past, now and probably to come when I will need this soul food more than I really know/feel.

And she’s there for me. The North Sea is on my doorstep. And I greet her with open arms. She is never the same sea twice and I take my direction/ way of being from her so that I’m living my life within the expansive realms of self-expression rather than within the confines offered to me via this so-called society/ culture.

The sea supports me, being me. And I give thanks to her for that. But I also appreciate her beauty and power and way of being which is on her own terms. you’ve got to love that!

Snow

| Sheree

December is here. To keep me connected to each moment, each experience I intend to offer myself the gifts of gratitude and attention during the lead up to Christmas. Call it an advent calendar of opening doors each day to reveal an image and a reason to be grateful.

Today was all about the snow. Walking in the snow was magical. Crisp, fresh and clear air and so much beauty to relish and share.

What a wonderful gift to start the last month of the year with. Expect more photowalks this month as they are simple but oh so joyous. Thank you.

I’m loving on this space/place/me

| Sheree
The new visual journal

I’m sharing this spread created this morning because I’m channeling the love. The love on self. In all my fucked up glory. There is beauty in the messy. Ugly and sweet. And that’s the way it goes ( Janet Jackson style!).

Preparing for the next chapter

| Sheree
New visual journal

Sometimes, I can feel my energy stagnating. Or being leeched away into activities, projects or circumstances that I want to be in but which if I allow it take me away from what is important to me.

I do great work and I enjoy facilitating/ creating/ coordinating it. Changing lives and bringing joy and opportunities to others, for others.

But sometimes, I have to strengthen my boundaries and batter down the hatches in order to make sure I can show up the best version of myself for myself and others.

The last couple of weeks have found me running low on energy, patience and creativity. I’ve been giving away a lot of myself, time and energy, and focus.

So the next chapter to the end of 2023, is focused on me taking back what’s mine. Taking back my time, my energy, my sparks and directing them in the directions that feed my soul. Which fuels my dreams and confidence in my voice.

And it starts with preparing my next visual journal. I’ve returned to a trusty old faithful. A pink pig sketchbook. And I’ve set up on my kitchen bench with paints and the gift card.

Every time I go into the kitchen, I create a spread. I smear drops of paint across the page with the disused credit card. I can feel my energy, my excitement and joy rising.

This simple act of moving colour across the page fills me with joy, wonder and ideas. My creativity has been lit up again and I’m looking forward to filling these pages.

Looking forward to dreaming on paper.

New visual journal