ghosts

overlapping/ layering of loss

| Sheree

In the time it takes me to write this sentence,

my ­ mum must have lost her capacity to breathe.

Quick and unexpected, her passing.

Here one day and then gone the next.

I’m keeping close to the bone as the wound is raw,

27 years later.

Up until now, there’s been a balance –

the years I had her with me versus the years without.

Loss constitutes a black mother’s life, but what about their daughters?

Mourning in the early morning, when the news found me,

sleepless and fearful, until this Autumn when I will have to learn

how to navigate this life beyond without.

Loss splits time into the before and after.

A rupture fires the heart, triggers

the already-always -thereness of loss,

the always-already-thereness of the ghosts

we carry with us into our many battles

and violent (work)spaces.

Shoot. Develop. Print. Film Camera Experience

| Sheree

I finally got to see the magic happen.

I was gifted a voucher for a ClassBento creativity class last Christmas. And I’m just getting around to using it today as I attended a photography class with Daniel Dabrowski.

I’ve wanted to experience the dark room and developing my own photography for decades. So I was super excited to finally fulfil this dream.

I used a ME Super Pentax 35mm camera. Daniel gave me some instructions around the camera – aperture, shutter speeds, the light and composition.

And then I was let free to take images in the park. I was in The Meadows, Edinburgh. It was dry but grey. But I loved the opportunity, the freedom to roam and snap.

The light is everything.

Once I got 36 images it was back to get the film out of the camera off the spool and developed.

I learnt so many new things that I’ll probably forget but I did learn to do it all in the dark. Feeding the film into a reel to be placed a canister so is light protected. Then adding the chemical to the special quantities needed for the film. Shaking gently for certain times and letting it stand. Hanging up the film reel to dry. Yes. There are images captured on the film. No duds. We have something to work with. Relief.

So many steps in the process of developing your own film and you can get into a focused rhythm, a meditative magic. It’s such a beautiful dance. Another experience where I felt as if I’d stepped out of time.

All that mattered was what was right in front of me. Witnessing the images appear. Shadows, ghost, haunting upon the papers.

Photo credit: Dan Dabrowski

I look forward to continuing the practice.