I’ve been sky writing from time that come 14 July I’m on holiday. I’m away from work. I’m not answering any of your emails, WhatsApp messages, demands or urgencies. I’m off the clock.
Because of the weather, this holiday time has come a day early. And I’m bubbling with excitement.
I’m having no leaky boundaries here. I’m gonna protect my down time. I’m gonna have a complete switch off to recharge my batteries.
This feeling of excitement reminds me of when I was a kid and the summer holidays stretched out in front of me. So much time to explore and play and just be.
I embrace this feeling now with so much joy and gratitude that I’m open for what adventures lie ahead. Adventures of my own making as I’m the adult now not the kid. I’m not beholden to anyone else’s whims or demands or plans. Whatever happens over the coming month or so is all of my own doing. And I love the sound of that. The feel of that.
This is when I know I need to get into my body and get into a loving relationship with self. I need to silence the crap rolling around in my head about my self and this world we live in and start loving on myself.
Taking myself on a Photowalk outside as well as inside brings me joy.
The act of moving and recording it, making a record of it brings me right back into the present and helps me to realise what a blessing life really is.
A life not to be wasted away on useless, soul destroying negative self- talk and that crippling sense of failure.
Nah looking myself in the eyes and still being able to smile at myself for myself brings me joy.!
How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen?
When I start avoiding people. Start avoiding those conversations, connections with other people. Not being able to muster the energy to just look someone in the eye, I know it is time to unplug, unwind and retreat.
When my mind becomes a jumbled mess of to-dos, guilt-tripping myself galore with feelings of not being good enough. Then I know it is time to unplug, unwind and retreat.
When I no longer receive pleasure from the things I love to do, like writing, creating, eating. {BEING}. I know then, time to step away from the tasks, the commitments, the noise, the violence and the ruin and hide.
Stop. Breathe. Lick wounds. Apply water inside and out. And come back to centre. My centre. Me, being just me.
No actions or words in attempt to prove myself. No singing and dancing routine to grab your attention. Nothing wise or in service here.
Just someone unplugging from the system unsure whether or not she wants to plug back in on someone else’s terms.
“You know life is hard,” my mother once told me with resignation in her voice. She continued, “For years, I’ve been struggling. I’m just plain tired now.” I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or herself , but once again I hardly listened. I was grown, I knew everything. I was a fool. Here one day, gone the next, I never got the chance to agree with my mother; that yes, life is hard. Too damn hard sometimes and there are people, put on this earth, who take it as a personal mission/ vendetta to make it even harder for some people. But hey I’m not here to complain.
This year, I made myself the promise to practice certain things, certain ways of being.
One, to quit the complaining as it only drains my energy.
Two, to stop saying to myself and others that time is flying, that time is going so fast, what’s that all about? (But come on, admit it, time is flying. We’re past mid March already!) Yes stop this stating that time is flying malarky as it’s energy sapping.
And three, to get my arse out of bed each morning, go to my creative corner and practice my visual journalling because this shifts/ boosts/ aligns my energy.
Some days I win, some days I lose but I know just like life, like everything really, it’s a practice. It’s about turning up each day for me and not having an agenda, or any idea what I’m going to create or know down which path my attention will flow. I just know that when I practice my visual journaling, intentionally showing up at my desk each morning, I feel better. Simple.
Yes there are all those insightful and wise deductions I could make about this practice and the effects of it on my creativity, life, work, relationship with self and others. But on the most simplest of levels, it makes me feel better. It sets me up to be present for the rest of my day.
Since November 2023, I’ve been practicing this little old practice of getting into my creative corner and creating/ being. Usually in altered books, or homemade junk journals or hand sewn books. Moving my hands to smear paint across a page, adding text and images, and stickers and sometimes even crafting found poems from cut-outs, makes me happy. I can say that now because I’ve had months of this practice under my belt. And I feel better because of it.
The one word that best describes me is ‘practice’ and I get to be me, daily, each morning with my visual journal practice which makes sure I’m myself from each moment to the next for the rest of the day. And for this I am grateful because my mother might not have found the secret and passed it on but I feel as if I’ve stumbled upon what makes this life less difficult, less hard, less soul destroying. Practice.
Keep checking back for the rest of the week as I’ll be sharing a spread each day from my visual journaling practice. And eventually all will be revealed in a new portfolio page around this practice. Thanks for reading. And see you again soon 🙂
Do you have a favorite place you have visited? Where is it?
Longsands, Tynemouth
I’m grateful to live by the sea.
After a traumatic time in my life, I advocated for myself. I needed time to heal and forget. To be soothed and held.
So I proposed to my family a move to the coast was needed. That’s nearly 15 years ago now. And maybe that move has been thrown back in my face at different times by certain people, I’ve never regretted the move.
Being able to see the sea daily, even if there are times I forgot and neglect this ritual, has been beneficial for my soul, n never mind my body and mind. My soul.
The sea is my soul food. And there have been many times, many times in the past, now and probably to come when I will need this soul food more than I really know/feel.
And she’s there for me. The North Sea is on my doorstep. And I greet her with open arms. She is never the same sea twice and I take my direction/ way of being from her so that I’m living my life within the expansive realms of self-expression rather than within the confines offered to me via this so-called society/ culture.
The sea supports me, being me. And I give thanks to her for that. But I also appreciate her beauty and power and way of being which is on her own terms. you’ve got to love that!
I passed through this part of Scotland, Glencoe, the Highlands, last month on my West Highland Way trek.
In the shadow of mountains, the three/ five sisters and Etive, and it was my birthday, I made the promise to myself to return. To retreat here with pen and paper and see what materialises.
I’m here. And just being. Walking and filling my soul. And {BE}. I followed my instincts which was calling out for this space of nothingness.
For this soft place to land to tend my brokenness.
Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?
This morning’s gratitude
It’s been a bit hit and miss here over the last few weeks as I’ve been busy, walking and resting.
There are no lazy days. Saying a person is having a lazy day is such a imperialist, capitalist, white supremacy patriarchy judgement.
Our value does not come from how busy we are, how productive we are or how hard we hustle.
I’m done with that mentality and practice and conditioning.
I’m been resting up after my 96 miles hike for the lowlands to the highlands of Scotland and have felt no guilt or made any excuses for it. I’m luxuriated in the inactivity.
Rest is a weapon as I’ve said before. Rest is pushing back against a system which was set up not for my survival but destruction.
Rest is a Revolution. So while I write my morning pages from bed, cradling a hot coffee and a sugared ring donut, I creatively plot my next move in chipping away for the dismantling of the system.
This includes another coffee and another page of dreaming. I’m not lazing, I’m not having a lazy day, I’m creating friction, rebellion, freedom.
Living Wild Studios 