I’m not sure when the last one was. I can’t even say I’ve been on a hiatus or even a sabbatical. I just haven’t been communicating all that well with the people who want to hear from me.
I think I’ve been wasting my time and energy trying to communicate with people who don’t give a flying fuck about me and what I have to say.
So things are changing around here. Well not really around here, more so with social media and pouring my time and energy into a black hole.
The first of November marks the return of Studio Notes which will be hitting your in boxes every month from now on. So if you’re not on the list, get thee here and sign up.
I have a plan you see. I have a topic or issue I’ll be addressing each month. As you might have guessed, this month was all about my imminent departure from social media.
Here’s a snippet of my justification for leaving:
Social Media doesn’t make me a nice person to myself.
I become resentful. I compare myself to others. And I criticise myself for not doing enough, not sharing enough. I want to be authentic and honest on social media but sometimes I have to ask what is the truth and am I just performing on their for likes and comments and followers?
And most of the time, it’s just all overwhelming.
I know when I’ve had my breaks from social media, I’m calmer, more satisfied with my life and more centred.
It’s quieter and in the quiet I can hear myself better, clearer.
And more importantly, I create. I create more and create more without fear. Without worry or doubt or judgement.
I’m interested in knowing and feeling what I could create when I’m not distracted by social media. When I’m not constrained by social media.”
I hope to hang out a lot more here come 2022. I hope to see you here too. Thanks for being here.
I’ve been thinking, how come no one is signing up for Studio Notesanymore? What have I been doing wrong?
Once I investigated, I found out that I’d switched off the join up form. I pressed pause and forgot to press play again.
So let me formally invite you to sign up to receive my bi-monthly newsletter where I share personal insights and news. Studio Notes are where I take the time to share something I’ve been pondering or working on. Sometimes I might send you back here to the website, sometimes I’ll send you to other people’s websites, to places I’ve found inspiration and sustenance.
If you don’t want to hand over your email address then consider checking me out on Instagram, the only social media platform I’m on now since I closed all other accounts ( there’s a blogpost in there to follow soon).
the snow is pristine
the water is cold
the silence is rippling
she does not come here to talk. she does not come here to appease. she is here to connect. to the Earth. to the Sea. to Herself. so she does not take kindly to the wide vacant stares that question her presence. she uses the solid rock of the mountains and the copper grasses peaking through the cracks as a special welcome just for her.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson
This wisdom speaks right to my core and has me throwing my head back shouting an all mighty, “YES”. For the past few weeks, I have been gripped by fear about what I’m attempting to do here, as I develop Living Wild Studios into a creative business coming from the heart. I have questioned what right I have to imagine this, to action it, to even believe in it.
Who is going to be interested in working with me or buying my creations? How can creating stuff just for me to know myself deeper, be of any use to anyone else?
I know my fears stem from what happened to me nearly two years ago ( you can read all about it in rubedo). I know my fears have set up road blocks and excuses. Paralysed me. But I’ve been framing these fears around the idea of failure and never being good enough.
But this quote above has me thinking, that my fears, my reluctance to move forward with plans and creating new work could just as much be because of my light. I could be just as much frightened of my light as of my darkness. Of who I might become, becoming.
This idea is turning around in my gut, like clothes in a washing machine. An idea I hold it up to my light within and it matches. It sparks.
It is easier, more acceptable to play it small rather than take up more space with my glorious light. It is judged as being showy, distasteful and loving oneself, if you claims your full potential and shine.
Why and when did loving yourself, loving your own unique light in this world become such a bad thing? I think when society’s way of operating became one of competition rather than community, oppression instead of equality. When a few decided power would be better in the hands of the few, for the greater good you must understand.
I feel my power. I have a strong, bright light to shine in this world. A light that many have attempted to put out. But this little light of mine keeps on shining. And when it comes down to it, that’s all I want to do. Shine my light. If in this practice it serves others, then so be it. That does make my light shine brighter, so it can reach further, into the hearts of those who might have given up on themselves or those who never tasted freedom.
Naming our fears loosens their grip on our hearts. Identifying and acknowledging our fears starts to take away their power.
Here I am again, showing up, using my creativity to explore myself. If in the process of me exploring my fears has helped you to start naming and identifying your fears, then that’s a double whammy in my book. A result that is well worth showing up, practicing getting through my fears one step as a time for. Onward, with this little light of mine lighting the way.