Becoming whole

After Megan Fernandes 

Sometimes, I could see Daddy,

liming along the sea walls of Trini

racing in the hills between the metal shacks 

clothed under a black blanket dotted

with diamonds holding wishes of England

whispered from thick black lips.

I’ve been waiting on Summer like a promise.

Sweating under breasts, I’m reluctant to cross

over the threshold, the weight of this black body

offending everybody and including me.

Some days, I imagine silver light shed 

along the shoreline. Probing sand eels

leaving spiralling piles of sand and shit.

Grace is not something I wear. Except

one time after pulling myself together again in

Iceland’s otherworldly landscape.

Daddy kept his island parcelled in fur, under 

the bed, never to drift out and cocoon me in home.

At midlife crisis, I’m knee-deep in this man-made

forest, serpents for hair, munching waxcaps, knowing 

it’s not wise, but mesmerised by their ruby rubber

ness, knowing there’s no escape looking in the mirror

The Outlook is Good

uncomfortable sensations which can only be described as pain course straight to the core

to release endorphins of joy

the outlook is better

the outlook is golden

the outlook is diamond

the outlook is bright

the outlook is purple

the outlook is a gift

Cullercoats Coffee

When I don’t finish my coffee, brooding black, concealing the bottom of the cup

you look at me and say the price of a cup of coffee is on the rise as crops are damaged by dryness and frost.

You’re quick to guilt trip me as if my fears of what lurks within the dregs are stupid, ill thought out

and frivolous. Disrespecting coffee beans making the brew. As if I’m a Black diva

forgetting my place like transplanted lilies still expected to thrive and recycle just for you

for the chance of being somewhere that you might look upon them with favour as you are the master.

I stare into the dark liquid. Deciding not to go back into the cup as my heart jerks in my teeth like freakish weather.

Sending Out Some Hard Love

I want to send out a love that feels hard to the people so when they feel it they pay attention.

That they don’t dismiss it as soft.

I want them to feel it in their gut like a punch. Recall the power.

That they don’t miss the promise it holds.

Yes, I want to send out a love that feels hard to the world so they stop taking it for granted.

That they don’t forget to send it back to me.