authenticsheshe

And

| Sheree
i ain’t smiling

&

 

One time when I came home crying after being called nasty names at school, he told me to fight back. If I couldn’t use my fists and feet to fight back, he said, to then pick up a brick and use that to fight back instead.

today’s ponderings while lying on the couch …

| Sheree

liminality

in-between spaces

lingering in the midst flight

fugitivity

nowhere at all

the potential of edges

black captives trapped at sea

zones of non-being

“Wherever blackness dwells—slave ship, spaceship, graveyard, garden, elsewhere, everywhere—those captives accessed what Spillers calls a “richness of possibility.” Hortense Spillers quoted in La Marr Jurelle Bruce, How To Go Mad Without Losing Your Mind: Madness and Black Radical Creativity.

where does your energy go?

| Sheree
i ain’t smiling

i’m protecting my peace so i have the energy for me, to {BE} in service for we, the we that looks/{BE} like me

this is all becoming clearer now

i’m not expending or wasting any more time, energy, attention on those (white) people who do not see me. or when they do see me, they do not see me as human

as Akwugo Emejulu says, the black woman can never be a human being

for decades i’ve spent time, energy, attention, through my practice and day to day life, trying to convince others ( white people) of my humanity. i would bend over backwards trying to get accepted, recognised, cherished as a fellow human being

look, please, i’m human. look, please, i feel, i hurt, i bleed. i breathe

no more. i am no longer prepared to play that role. dance this stupid dance. as i will never be accepted, recognised, loved as a human being. the system won’t allow it. (white) people won’t allow it

i’m no longer wasting my energy on proving jackshit

i’m refusing what has already been refused of me ( fugitivity)

i knowing who i be. i am smart, i am kind, i am important ( The Help). and i don’t need/want/entertain any (white) person to tell/grant/recognise me as such

and i’m no longer apologising/ playing it down or safe/ tempering for how i feel/act/ {BE} about this situation

as that just expends/takes/sucks out of me a whole heap and of other energy

i ain’t smiling.

Creative Play with Cartoneras

| Sheree

I’ve been tired of late.

I’ve been holding space for others during August, visual journaling and out in nature. And as we go back to school, I’m ready for slowing down and enjoying my favourite time of year.

Staying close to home, and being kind and gentle with myself, I pulled out the brown paper I’ve been collecting/recycling and just put some paint on them.

And before I know it, I’ve created a new journal. With a painted cardboard cover it reminds me of Cartonera, the cardboard publishers that started in Argentina, where books and journals are created from recycled cardboard.

I used to do this years ago and didn’t realise that it’s a political and artistic practice that came about because of economic hardships. It’s a movement that democratises literacy and publishing and opens up access to anyone and everyone. Thanks to Dal for bringing the origins of this practice to my attention.

So I’ve got a new journal to play with. I love making books, journals and cartoneras because it’s an easy way to satisfy a creative itch without getting all complicated.