The End of 2024

Glencoe, December 2024

I’m choosing to end 2024 with gratitude. I’m choosing to give thanks for 2024 and to recognise the abundance.

Checking through my visual journals of the year and there is evidence of joy and creativity and love but there is also difficulty, scarcity and rage.

But here on the precipice of 2025, I’m choosing to focus on the present and the gifts that 2024 has given me.

In this moment, on New Year’s Eve, I am grateful to have returned to one of my favourite places in the world to bring in the New Year; Glencoe, the Scottish Highlands.

Etive, Glencoe, December 2024

Anyone following my blog from last year will know this is where I spent the New Year last/ this year, 2023 into 2024. My friend of old and I were booked into The Kinghouse Hotel here for their New Year’s celebration package. It was a luxurious affair and reminded me of a holiday camp as we were bombarded with activities, food and drink and entertainment for 4 days. And it snowed.

Alex and me, last year in Glencoe

This year there is no such luxury but that doesn’t take away from my joy and gratitude for being here now. I’m in Glencoe, for the first time, with Kiwi my campervan. This trip up in the wind and rain and dark is fulfilling a dream of mine. To park up for many nights in the shadow of my favourite mountain Etive.

Etive, Glencoe, December 2024

I’ve just been sitting in my van, watching the clouds roll over the peaks. I’ve totally slowed down and have finally started to appreciate the hibernation mode which started in November, with fits and starts as I kept getting disturbed.

I’m grateful that I have the privilege of being able to hibernate, to escape from the world of work and commitments to rest and dream. I’m tightening my belt, living frugally in certain ways, so I can have the next few months off work. Off the clock, off the colonial clock. Because I think, no I know, that 2024 burnt me out. Not just from the amount of work but also from the kind of work of was. I spent hours and energy supporting other people’s dreams in a system which doesn’t recognise our humanity never-mind our dreams. Daily I was going to battle, constantly having to repeat myself as well as explain and justify our existence and right to life/ work/ dreams/ success. It was tiring and demoralising and traumatic. It is only now that I can allow the sheer weight of it to fall away as I’ve been carrying it for a long time. And I’m tired.

So to be in the Highlands, on my own terms, in my own space, not having to see or talk or be with anyone else, is my happy place. And I’m grateful for it.

There is a severe weather warning up here. Edinburgh has cancelled its New Year celebrations because of this weather. High winds, rain, a lot of rain and maybe snow. For the last few nights, I’ve felt the wind and rain lash against Kiwi, we’ve been rocking and rolling but we’re safe and warm and I’m grateful for that.

I’m like in a little cocoon. I have everything I need to wait out the storm, two duvets and thermal clothing, water and food all help for which I am truly grateful. Because I’m living off grid as well as learning to live with less. And with that does come a lot of gratitude.

Inside Kiwi, van sounds

I recognise it in the food I prepare and eat here. Little plates of goodness which are simple but nourishing and enough.

Cooking inside the van

So as I plan to wave goodbye to 2024 and welcome in 2025, I’m cocooned within a circle of gratitude for what is now in the present moment. I’m warm and safe and have a feast for my eyes and tastes and soul to keep me satisfied. I’m very grateful to be able to continue to live out my dreams on my own terms. Thank you x

October Fall

I love this season. This is my season. This is birthday season. And I usually have so many things planned that I blink and miss the season. And I also feel a bit gipped because this season is taken up by Halloween and Christmas celebrations that no sooner that I have my autumn leaves wreath on my front door that I’ve got to replace it with the Christmas one.

So as a gift to myself as well as some breathing space, this season I’m bringing out the poetry and I’m writing a poem a day to cherish the moment. To live and breathe into the season.

I hope to share my creations here.

I know I have a lot to share here about the last few months too. I’m not sure what I have shared here. But I do know it feels good to take the time each day to exercise my imagination and be inspired to write again for me. But I’m sharing too.

I was thinking this morning back from the school run what can I do this season to support myself. Support the ease into hibernation mode but still get through the last few commitments and chores of the year. And I feel in my heart that writing poetry or attempting to dive into my dreams ( and nightmares) is a way of giving myself that much needed support. Keeping me creative but also keeping me sane.

I hope you join me in this journey one more time.

Paying Attention

What’s the trait you value most about yourself?

Things have been busy over here. At some point, probably at hibernation time, I’ll be at rest to share the developments. But for now …

My trait that I value, particularly at this time of year and in this time of busy, is my ability to pay attention.

To take a moment to breathe, look around and savour the beauty. Some beauty at each moment.

Gratitude can help remember

Honesty

I’ve been forgetting. Or I’ve been avoiding. I need to remember.

This is the life I’ve yearned for. This is the life I’ve worked for. This is the life I’ve sacrificed for.

Standing this close in the mix and mess of things, I forget. When I’m juggling projects and deadlines and the multiple personalities of others. I forget, this is what I’ve been dreaming about for years.

Freedom to be and do what I want. To follow my desires and needs and wants and still be able to provide for my family.

The freedom to rest and play when I choose and not at the whim of anyone else.

Remember. “You’re walking in the hope of your yesterday”. Thank you Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui for this reminder.

I remember and give thanks for this life I have chosen to lead and which I sometimes takes for granted and complain about or even get down about.

I remember what I have forgotten and give thanks for it all.

Gratitude can help us remember. I remember now.

Living in the /cracks/

It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been here.

This year is flying. I’m not sure how I’m marking the time.

I seem to be flowing in and out of the /cracks/ with consciousness and then not.

The brain is foggy at the moment after a busy period. And maybe I’m not as coherent as I’d like to be.

As words fail me, I’m coming back with imagery. Evidence that I have been living and experiencing joy and pleasure but maybe not consistent enough.

I know I long for summer and I’m tending to my needs to get over that line into restland.

I’m not there quite yet. But I can see it in the distance.

Soon come.