What’s the trait you value most about yourself?
Things have been busy over here. At some point, probably at hibernation time, I’ll be at rest to share the developments. But for now …
My trait that I value, particularly at this time of year and in this time of busy, is my ability to pay attention.
To take a moment to breathe, look around and savour the beauty. Some beauty at each moment.
I’ve been forgetting. Or I’ve been avoiding. I need to remember.
This is the life I’ve yearned for. This is the life I’ve worked for. This is the life I’ve sacrificed for.
Standing this close in the mix and mess of things, I forget. When I’m juggling projects and deadlines and the multiple personalities of others. I forget, this is what I’ve been dreaming about for years.
Freedom to be and do what I want. To follow my desires and needs and wants and still be able to provide for my family.
The freedom to rest and play when I choose and not at the whim of anyone else.
Remember. “You’re walking in the hope of your yesterday”. Thank you Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui for this reminder.
I remember and give thanks for this life I have chosen to lead and which I sometimes takes for granted and complain about or even get down about.
I remember what I have forgotten and give thanks for it all.
Gratitude can help us remember. I remember now.
Samyeling Tibetan Buddhist Centre, Langholm, Scottish Borders
It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been here.
This year is flying. I’m not sure how I’m marking the time.
I seem to be flowing in and out of the /cracks/ with consciousness and then not.
The brain is foggy at the moment after a busy period. And maybe I’m not as coherent as I’d like to be.
As words fail me, I’m coming back with imagery. Evidence that I have been living and experiencing joy and pleasure but maybe not consistent enough.
I know I long for summer and I’m tending to my needs to get over that line into restland.
I’m not there quite yet. But I can see it in the distance.
Soon come.
Describe one simple thing you do that brings joy to your life.
There are some days when I get into a funk. When I allow things to get on top of me.
Responsibilities, commitments, inadequacies. Boredom, shame, guilt.
This is when I know I need to get into my body and get into a loving relationship with self. I need to silence the crap rolling around in my head about my self and this world we live in and start loving on myself.
Taking myself on a Photowalk outside as well as inside brings me joy.
The act of moving and recording it, making a record of it brings me right back into the present and helps me to realise what a blessing life really is.
A life not to be wasted away on useless, soul destroying negative self- talk and that crippling sense of failure.
Nah looking myself in the eyes and still being able to smile at myself for myself brings me joy.!
The aim this month was to turn up here everyday and post something; words, images. Anything. Anything that would be used as evidence of my presence. Of my joy and my gratitude.
And now I look and see I’ve missed the last 7 days. And for now I don’t have the energy to go back over this week and pull out the good parts. Or maybe even the bad.
I just know that time is fleeting and speeding. Before we know it, we’ll be in 2024. And I’m not sure I want to waste any more time living in the past.
I’m wanting more and more to live in the present. This is what I’m grateful for; the time and means and ability to live in the present. Live/ love with each day as it comes.
I’ve spent decades hating on my body.
Too big, too fat, too black for most spaces, places, people. So I thought or was lead to believe.
I’ve spent decades trying to get rid of my body.
Make it smaller, make it thinner, make it whiter. All the time knowing I was wasting my time, energy and money. But that didn’t stop me.
I was hard wired into chasing the perfect body, the ideal standard of beauty. Which just wasn’t me and my body.
Slowly, with care, self-love, mindset changes and practice, I’m learning to appreciate my body and all the spaces and places and people she takes me.
Through my body I get to experience this world and all its terrible beauty. And right now, as that’s all we can depend on/ should focus on/ breathe into, I’m loving on my body from the inside out.
I’m offering her grace and compassion as she continues to move me through this world. Allowing me to be here, {being} myself in all my fucked up glory.
And isn’t that fucking awesome!
Today my body walked me into the sea to remind me to feel again. To remind me I’m alive again. To remind me that we are only here for a short, brief time so shouldn’t we try to squeeze all the feels, sweet and not so sweet, out of it while we’re here?
My body supports me in this mission.
Every. Single. Moment.
Thank you x
I’ve been receiving emails from newsletters that I subscribe to detailing end of year round ups and reflections. And I’m not sure I’m ready yet to step into that energy. I’m still living the year in front of me now – day by day. To let me just linger in the moments. Linger in the awareness of time passing. Winter’s here and the geese are getting fat an all that. But even in these times of worry, brutality and violence, let us to a moment to breathe and give thanks.
Living Wild Studios 