they were supposed to be
your friends through your suffering
you feel their absence
in the fray

they were supposed to be
your friends through your suffering
you feel their absence
in the fray
Just because you can
pile your shit
onto mine
doesn’t mean
you should.
They didn’t want
to hear an apology.
They wanted blood.
Just like the seasons
Change is
A beautiful unfolding
I don’t remember when I started to hurt.
I don’t remember when I gave up on myself being enough, being worthy.
I don’t remember when I gave myself away to others at the expense of not keeping any goodness for me.
I don’t remember when I started to hate on myself and wishing myself away, wishing myself into something or someone else. Anything else but this. Anything other than who I really am.
I don’t remember when I started to hide myself away became secretive and dishonest as a means of protection and advancement.
I don’t remember when I stopped being my own best friend and started to seek this relationship, this love and attention elsewhere.
I don’t remember when I betrayed myself by thinking that I was someone who didn’t deserve to be here, as someone worthy of love and happiness and joy.
I don’t remember when I started to listen to others, the outside world and stopped listening to my heart, to my own wisdom.
I don’t remember when I stopped just {being} instead of doing. When {being} was enough.
I don’t remember when I stoped paying attention to what lights me up, my wants and needs, what makes me smile.
I don’t remember when I stopped being a child and took the burdens of the world on to my little shoulders like they belonged there.
I don’t remember when I stopped being in love with myself and gave this love to others who were not deserving of my love, who could not see me as me.
I don’t remember when I began to think I needed other people to love me instead of me just loving on me.
I don’t remember when or how or why all this happened, I just feel it. And now, here I am trying to get back to me, to me loving on me, the most important treasure, lost.
with each word
i write
i am undoing
you from
my heart
i am undoing
your lips
from mine
your hand
from mine
i am undoing
your power
over me
she is a sad
replacement
for the woman
you lost
the woman
you allowed
to leave
because
you were
never
man enough
to hold
i had too much
shine
for you not
to want
to take
a piece
it’s a shame
you continue
to take it
once you
are gone
always wanting
what you want
but what about
what I want?
not your problem
anymore, right?