The political and media furore over chants at Glastonbury by Bob Vylan, a British punk duo has me reeling at the moment. I couldn’t get my head around it at first, why I was feeling such anger at this condemnation of their chant? At first I was thinking it was because this group are black and I felt it was racism again raising its ugly head. But then Kneecap is getting condemnation as well for ‘hate speech’, ‘inciting violence’, an Irish hip-hop trio from Belfast. I’m not saying that the Irish has not experienced their own form of racism, prejudice and discrimination either.
But then when I saw the newspaper headlines, and then the Prime Minister coming out say it was ”appalling hate speech’ wanting an investigation in the BBC and how they could allow this to happen, with criminal investigations being filed against both Bob Vylan and Kneecap, I realised why I was getting angry and really enraged. It was because there was all this disgust and moral hand whinging and condemnation of a chant, but not the same level of condemnation and rage and move to stop it for the genocide happening in Gaza, right now, or for the last 1 year, 8 months, 3 weeks and 4 days. As the Palestinians continue to be exterminated by Israel Defense Forces (IDF), there is no condemnation, not opposition from the UK government, the media, those in business, those who are showing again and again that they are controlled, owned by the Israeli Government and State. Proving that they actually have vested interests in Israel and continuing the genocide.
It is ludicrous to witness, the political and media condemnation of a few words chanted at a music festival while Palestinians waiting in a line for aid, starving people who’ve been herded into this state of the queuing dead, are massacred by IDF. These people dead on their feet, seeking aid, did not pose a threat, and yet the IDF, an armed force just opened fire on them because they could. Because they know, no one is trying to stop them. No one is condemning their actions. The world is turning a blind eye to their war crimes, and crimes against humanity. Anyone opposing their horrendous crimes are called anti-semitic and are cancelled, condemned, silenced.
Bob Vylan, facing a criminal investigation have also been dropped but their record company and are on a travel ban to USA. Swift and sharp punishment for expressing their desire to see a free Palestine, from the river to the sea. Mass disgust across the country and further afield about a chant, but where is the mass disgust and action against the mass extermination of a people? The Palestinians, the people of Gaza.
“It’s a Killing Field”, reported by Nir Hasson, Yaniv Kubovich and Bar Peleg within Haaretz, details how IDF soldiers were ordered to shoot deliberately at unarmed Gazans waiting for humanitarian aid. Unarmed people are treated like a hostile force and just shot and killed. Deliberately. Bullets is the IDF form of communication. Not chants, bullets. Where is the condemnation of this? Where is the Parliamentary emergency meeting to discuss this deliberate killing of human life, that is genocide, that are war crimes? None but there is one about Bob Vylan, and Lisa Nandy, British Labour Party politician serving as Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport since 2024, standing up in Parliament, in solemn tones criticising the BBC the Glastonbury broadcast and Bob Vylan for the chanting. Claiming her moment in the limelight, making a performance, Nandy condemned the “appalling and unacceptable scenes” at Glastonbury and said the government would not tolerate antisemitism. But the government tolerates genocide. FACT.
I could go on as I’m sick and tired of hearing when someone criticises IDF, and the Israeli state of murdering Palestinians and claiming Gaze, the whole state, from river to sea, that this is being anti-semitic. This is just another tactic used for shutting people up. As when people are criticising the genocide of Palestinians and the stealing of their homeland, they are not saying they hate Jews or the Jewish people. They are saying that the massacre of a people is wrong. The IDF as an armed force is committing genocide. That is what is being condemned, criticised and left to the general public around the world to fight against as the Western countries are doing nothing to stop it.
Conflating these criticisms with Jewish people , calling it anti-semitic is like using a get out of jail free card on repeat. It’s not the same thing. And I would argue that if the chant, ‘death, death to the IDF’, is anti-semitic and hate speech inciting violence, what/who is it killing IDF? A chant, some words at Glastonbury or the Israeli government sending the IDF into war, ordering them to kill unarmed people seeking aid? Tell me which one is a whitewashing of crimes against humanity? The chant is not a chant of hate for Jewish people. The chant is anger at the genocidal actions of a genocidal army, the IDF, who are beginning to ask themselves if this was is just, and what is the humanitarian price the Gazan population paying for this war?
I’ve been seeking people, groups and organisations that I can become part of.
After a life changing anti-racism training session, which I no longer call it as such, where I realised that what I’ve been doing is really just continuing to centre whiteness and uphold white supremacy culture through this training, I feel the need to not be alone any longer in my views and activism.
I need comrades and solidarity in action.
This search for my tribe has seen me reaching out to the Revolutionary Communist Party( RCP) and the Revolutionary Communist Group – Fight Racism, Fight Imperialism, The Ella Baker School of Organising and their recent conference in London titled Defeating Narratives of Division and just yesterday, attending a meeting of the North East Anti-Racism Coalition. Let’s explore each of these experiences in turn as there has been much learning as well as clarification of where I stand in the mix.
First, my main concern around the anti-racism training I’d been doing for the last five years was that it wasn’t looking at the class system, oppression through class which is a result of capitalism. It really isn’t critical enough, or even analysing capitalism and how this is our common enemy. Through focusing on whiteness, white privilege and white supremacy culture is fails to acknowledge and really get to the roots of what and where racism came about. Race was the creation of the rich landowners afraid of the workers, both black and white, rising up and revolting. So they created the elevated status of whiteness, and the white class to bestow certain right and privileges on to the poor white workers who shipped over to the Americas for a better life form England as a means of separating them from this black workers they were so recently working side by side with. To continue to maximise profit through brutal working conditions the white working class was created, whiteness was now at the top of the hierarchy and could weld power over black workers who were once their comrades and fellow sufferers.
I realised that the common enemy is capitalism. We may have differences but we can find that common ground and come together to fight for better lives and conditions, or even destroy the whole capitalist system as then everyone, every worker would be better off. The means of production and money and gains within society would the shared out equally to all members of community. No one would be ruling over another, no bourgeois as Marxists would say.
I was looking for comrades and solidarity not allyship so I started to explore the Revolutionary Communist Party UK which split off from the Revolutionary Communist Group ( Fight Racism, Fight Imperialism) in 1978. I’ve been exploring them both really once I established the distinction between them. I’ve reached out to both, subscribed to the newspaper, Fight Racism, Fight Imperialism and bought some books. I must say it’s kind of like a labyrinth to try and get involved. The need for some connection or someone to just respond in an email what they are doing and how someone like me could get involved was needed. They want to talk to you on the phone and share what they are doing and almost interview me in terms of what I’m looking for or do or think. I’ve felt at times as if I was being tested for something.
Then I received a long essay to read. Marxism ‘v’ Identity Politics, which is what the RCP stands behind and I assume RCG ( FRFI) do also. It’s a long read but I persevered. From the beginning by back was up because they were talking about women, and women being slaves to men and being oppressed before capitalism was created. I got the feeling that when they were mentioning women they were referring to white women. But I read on. And in all honesty I cannot stand behind this document if this is what Marxist and Communists stand for.
I know within this document , it is repeated that Marxists stand against all oppressions and yet it still uses the language of the oppressor in terms of using ‘immigrants and non-whites’ and ‘oppressed minorities’ . I find its tone offensive, condescending and dismissive.
Failing to acknowledge that Third World/ Black Feminism has always been about fighting all oppressions for the betterment of all, being anti-capitalist, anti-imperialist etc. I feel where feminism is mentioned within the article it is just referring to white feminism.
I do take on board and agree to a certain degree that intersectionality and identity politics are divisive. I have tended to adopt an intersectional approach to issues now. But I have to take issue with the lack of respect and care demonstrated towards people’s difference within the piece. It almost feels as if the document is calling people who fight along identity lines against oppression as stupid or near sighted and just thinking of the individual.
There is a case for being forceful and adamant about what Marxism stands for, but I just didn’t feel the care and kindness and joy within the piece which I seek within any movement I am part of.
So I’ve left my Marxist/ Communist involvements there as they focus on the workers, as capitalism, imperialism, colonialism are the problems, we can come together and fight together on but not at the expense of love as the foundation. I felt the love and joy at the recent Defeating Narratives of Division conference in London with the Ella Baker School of Organising but I think this was coming directly from the creatives present as well as the gay and trans-people present. That’s how we want our movement to feel, joyful , respectful and loving and caring for each other. I am still waiting to hear back from the organisers of this conference in how I can get more involved.
Finally, yesterday I took a trip to Hartlepool to attend the North East Anti-Racism Coalition gathering so find out what they are all about and up to. Formed in 2024, they aim to make the North East a region that actively opposes racism and hatred based on religious identity. I was interested in finding out about their journey this far, what they stand for and what are their next steps. It was well attended, with the majority of people being white. After details about how the coalition has developed and where they see things going focusing on campaigns, membership, raising awareness and learning, we were tasked, our tables, to introduce ourselves and why we were there. I was the only black person on the table and while I said I was there to agitate, others were there to gain information to take back to their organisations, maybe not realising that they were also there to give not just take. But let’s go on.
Next was the keynote speaker, Matt Storey from Cleveland Office of the Police and Crimes Commission. He gave a powerful speech about how diversity within the region is a positive, a strength and how they are standing up against the racist riots of last summer, but he frequently referred to people of the global majority within the region as immigrants, or refugees and asylum seekers, people who had come here on boats so to speak, not once referring to the black and brown people who were born here in the UK, or the region who have been here for hundreds of years. For me this is just playing into the narrative that we do not belong here. There was talk of fighting and defending these diverse groups of people, again falling into the white savourism narrative. I am not your victim, I do not need saving, I need comrades and solidarity. We don’t need any more heroes thank you.
From here it was to get into working groups to focus on such things as membership, campaigns, learning hubs, and research. Let’s just say something about their research. It was billed as if the coalition was going to share some research. The person presenting their findings another white person came to the conclusion that more research was needed and was beyond the scope of the working group and should be taken on board by the wider/ whole coalition. The research proposed, you guess it, a survey of black and brown people in the region to share their experiences of racism. It can be done anonymously but if you give your contact details you will be put into a prize draw to win £100 in shopping vouchers. So please share with your networks as the deadline is 18 July.
Of course everything I’ve just said there about the survey is done in a sarcastic tone as I am not promoting people of the global majority in the region to complete this survey as from my point of view there is plenty of research completed which demonstrate racism exists. Maybe they want some up to date data after the riots of 2024, but still I’m sure there is research out there where they wouldn’t have to exploit or expect us to share our experiences once more or fall into this habit of having to prove it exists once again. There was no mention or indication as to what this research would be used for afterwards either.
I joined the campaign working group to see what was happening there. One question we talked about in smaller groups was how can we build better connections across difference. Things that came up was attempting to find that common ground, where there is mutuality over issues that we can come together on and work together on to bring about change for everyone. Yes I can get behind this.
But then, from the few other black and brown people who were part of this small group, I got the impression that is was a competition to share as many stories and instances of when and where they experienced racism. Of course the white people in the group were lapping this up but I felt it was again a way to prove that racism exists and is happening or has been happening within the region for generations. And this is true, but for me I am past trying to convince anyone that racism exists. For me it is a given, let’s move on. For me it’s just treading water.
And the last point, from another group’s feedback, a white woman speaking said that it would be really important for building connections to hear first hand from black and brown people about their lived experiences around racism. It helps others to understand it, she said. And I disagreed saying it just re-traumatises someone to retell their experiences of racism again and again to strangers, no doubt. A black man disagreed stating that we should be sharing, telling our stories. And I just said well from personal experience, I’d rather not be triggered and again it’s as if we are spending our energy on trying to prove it exists. That racism exists. I’d rather focus on our joy, black joy which white people do fin threatening but at least ti would demonstrate we’re not just cardboard cut outs created to experience race and racism.
After this I left. I left early because I’d had enough. I felt as if I was on different page to people who where at the event. I know it’s not an either/ or, it’s a both/and. But for me what was lacking was listening to each other. People were talking over each other, people were there to take at the same time as be heard, but there wasn’t much giving and listening.
I know I’m a lone wolf in terms of being fugitive. In terms of the way I think and operate. I listen and consolidate and try to meet a consensus but there was just not enough respect and comradeship within the room for me. It was very transactional and very little care and love and kindness.
So I’m still on the hunt for my tribe. I wanted to contribute to whatever was happening already. Contribute to the flow already happening. But as of yet I have not found this space. Maybe need to create my own that can hold all the contradictions and differences but is build on solidarity, respect, kindness, care and love.
For the last two days I’ve been completing my refresher course in Outdoor First Aid Training.
First completed during the pandemic, my certificate had run out and I needed to retake the course.
It’s simple, First Aid saves lives.
Basic first aid can mean the difference between life and death. A Red Cross survey showed a staggering 59% of deaths from injuries would have beenpreventable had first aid been given before the emergency services arrived.
Only about 4-5% of the population in the UK are First Aid trained. This for me is not enough people taking responsibility. This for me is not enough people l caring about other people’s well-being. This for me is not enough people demonstrating care in community.
What maddens me further is that women are more likely to not receive life saving first aid because people, usually men, are uncomfortable about exposing women’s breasts in conducting life saving CPR. So more women are dying without receiving first aid because of other people’s embarrassment. Fucking hell. I’m telling you now, if it’s the difference between showing my boobs and being able to live for another day, fucking get my top and bra off as soon as possible and start saving my life. You have my consent now.
I’m now trained up for another 3 years. But I won’t be leaving it there. I’ll make sure I’m refreshing my skills more frequently as well as moving onto an advanced first aid skills training course. I don’t think you can ever be prepared enough for saving a life , as who knows what scenarios will present themselves in real life, but at least I will have the confidence and the know how to try and save a life.
You know I love the movie, Sinners. I’m onto my fifth watching of it.
One of my favourite songs within the movie is this one Dangerous sung by Hailee Steinfeld. I could rage on for hours about this song; it’s melody and words and underlining beat. But for now, I’m taking the word dangerous and running with it.
Within Sinners, what can be seen as dangerous is the invasion of vampires, a life or death situation. What could also be seen as dangerous is a community of sharecroppers having a safe space to listen to music and dance and eat and drink on their own terms. To be free. This could be seen as dangerous by the white supremacy culture they are living under.
For me what I see as dangerous are the white men who are still running around in their white hoods, calling themselves the brotherhood, the protectors of white women and democracy and who do whatever is takes to keep the black people( they do not use this nice a term for such people) in line even if it means killing them all.
These white men in hoods, the Ku Klux Klan, deal out justice as they see fit, creating terror as the deterrent to black people thinking of stepping out of line. And that could be just breathing.
These white men could meet you on the street one day and be burning down your house the very next day. But you wouldn’t know who they be. You know the enemy is a white man but it could be the smiling face neighbour who hides behind the hood, concealing their identity and cause havoc with no repercussions or justice or revenge on them. To live in this sense of fear is unimaginable.
Today these Federal Officials and Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) marshals who are abusing their power, gifted by the Trump administration, to take people, children as well, from their homes, schools, work, off the streets and detain them, saying they are illegal, deport them, torture them for no reason except being seen as an ‘alien’ because they are brown and black are no better than the KKK. They wear the masks. They cover their faces. Conceal their identities and commit the crimes. The brown and black citizens of these communities are not committing any crimes except attempting to survive and thrive, living their lives.
Why cover your faces if you believe in what you are doing? Why conceal your identity if you are doing what is right, following the law? Why hide if you are proud of your actions?
This is dangerous. White men or white baby-men again have been emboldened and empowered to run havoc through our communities in the name of the law. Believing that they are doing what’s right in terms of some warped sense of superiority and the belief that they have a right to do so.
This is dangerous and has to be stopped. How? That is what we have to work out.
This is the message sweeping across countries at the moment, around the world, as we continue to move further to the right in terms of politics and governing people. Suppressing people and voices.
Thinking about my weekend in London at the Defeating Narratives of Division conference hosted by the Ella Baker School of Organising, and coming home to see peaceful protests in L.A. around the over stretching arms of Federal Officials and illegal immigration raids on communities being portrayed as chaos and unruly and needs to be stopped with military force. Trump, man!
What the fuck is happening right now? What false narratives fuelled by fear and intimidation are catching like wildfire and are taking hold? What is happening to democracy and fairness and justice?
I too am scared. I’ve been told by some to have fear and anxiety and start panicking in order to take action. Time is running out. Passing on this narrative of fear is making us on the so-called left no better than those on the right whose fuel is fear.
We have to be pushing back against these fears. Not disallowing them but acknowledging them and choosing to fuel our movement with love and solidarity and joy. We can come together as we have the power and spread a message of love and welcome and togetherness and there is no way that message can be twisted or used against us.
It is plain to see that communities who stand together, even if from different cultures and races and heritages, are powerful and those who are crooked and authoritarian are scared of this. Scared of us taking back our power and saying no, enough!
I’ll be writing more on this in the weeks to come. But for now I just had to mark this moment of disgust at what is happening around the world but how there is much to be celebrating and reinforcing and elevating. Stories of love and solidarity and people taking back their agency and power. Thinking of Burkina Faso here and other African nations who are standing up and saying enough is enough.
But all in good time, and for me ‘good’ time is slow time. Taking the time to bring about lasting change on our own terms.
Quantity over quality is a characteristic of whet supremacy culture. Say like with social media, we are wired to focus on the numbers. The number and amount of followers, likes, comments gives us the buzz. Keeps us returning usually. Rather than the quality of interactions. The quality of connections.
But in this instant when I say I’m on a reading tip and boast that I’ve read 12 books already this year, fiction, poetry and non-fiction, I’m taking the buzz of the numbers because I know they were quality reads.
Last year saw me fall off my reading horse. Reading was only happening when I had an extended amounts of time off the clock. Summer reading mostly. I didn’t have the bandwidth or desire to read at any other times. I was too antsy and not able to settle, as too many demands were pulling on my attention.
So I’m really happy that this hibernation season has seen me dive back into books. Physical and digital books. I do not care which as long as I’m reading, expanding my thinking and formulating new pathways of understanding and connection.
So White Tears Brown Scars by Ruby Hamad was completed yesterday. And it so feeds into my experiences with white women. Even though they’ve caused offence, been racist that is, it’s me who’s consoling them and making sure their feelings are not too hurt. Or it’s me having to apologise because my reaction to their racism or them touching my hair without my consent has been deemed far too aggressive and not very collaborative by the organisation or group I was working with.
They are used as a weapon, white tears, to shut down the conversation. To get the white person out of an uncomfortable situation and out of having to look at themselves and their behaviours.
It was so validating to read this book and recognise that it doesn’t just happen to me and that this is a centuries old tactic of the damsel in distress. And that damsel is white as Black and Brown women have never been deemed woman enough to protect. And all this shit is wearing thin with Black and Brown women. Believe.
This book was an extension of an article Ruby Hamad wrote back in 2018 for The Guardian. You can read it there and just know that one Black woman, Lisa Benson, who was working as a journalist at the time got fired for simply sharing this article because it was deemed ‘an attack on white women’. White tears in action right there!
My mind and body are hurting with the constant stream of information and images of this and that atrocity, and there is very little space to breathe, rest and take stock. I’ll be honest, I’ve been checking out. Checking out into Netflix boxsets, mindlessly watching episode after episode, numbing the pain and feelings of being inadequate , or not doing enough, being enough. Enough.
I don’t know about you, but it’s an overload at times of these times, which feel cruel and oppressive, evil and violent and unbelievable and yet we accept. There are no quick fix solutions but my heart and soul wants to feel that all will be well.
Society and culture ( the whole world) at the moment feels toxic and dangerous and I’m all for just slowing down and connecting in more deeper, honest and nourishing ways. I’m still leaning into my joys. Still bending towards the light as I don’t want to lose myself in this crippling spiral.
I’m slowing down alone and I’m slowing down in groups that I’m supporting and who are supporting me. I’m not by-passing the pain, the harsh realities, the genocides ( as there are multiple happening at the same time just now or have always been going on), but I’m also acknowledging how much I can endure and not beating myself up if I choose silence instead of performance. I know this is a privilege which I recognise, voice and keep checking.
Below I share the images from my Paris trip of Our Lady of Good Deliverance, often referred to as the Black Madonna of Paris. Over a 6 miles walk to see her, I covered more miles within my mind with my thoughts and feelings wondering and wandering, which were silenced or put to one side when I met this Black Madonna. I had the small chapel , in the suburb Neuilly-sur-Seine, all to myself when I visited. I walked around, I sat and looked and I lit a candle and remembered my ancestors and give thanks for this deliverance.
Deliverance: being rescued or being set free. How apt she comes back to me today. How I must have unconsciously known I needed her guidance today, needed her love and reassurances that liberty, salvation, change is possible. I’m not religious or spouting anything remotely religious or pious. I’m not preaching or looking to convert.
I’m spiritual and believe in love. I believe in the good in people and try to connect there on that common ground rather than separation and hatred.
What I do know is this isn’t a neat, tie-it-all-up-ending, with ‘this is what I want to say and you to take away’ as that would be another construct and false prophet.
I just know starting to look/ believe that ‘God is a Black Woman’, that the Black Madonnas are here to support and love us through difficult times ( as well as good times, our pleasures and joys) feels like a blessing to me that I will continue to lean into during these slowing down, turning away from exploitative and extractive society and culture times and continue to nurture others ways of {BEING} in this world.
I’m onto the second reading of this book. I think I heard Christena Cleveland on a podcast talking about her journey and I knew I just had to get her book. I’ve used the saying myself, “God is a Blackwoman.” But I didn’t know there was a book all about it.
The book explores Cleveland’s spiritual/ religious journey as she falls out of love with Christianity as its essentially fathetskygod/white make good and is used to uphold white supremacy, patriarchy and capitalism. Basically just looking out for white cis males.
The book also follows Cleveland’s four-hundred-mile walking pilgrimage across the Auvergne to visit eighteen Black Madonnas. The book manifests Cleveland’s transformation through the Sacred Black Feminine, healing her Black female embodied soul.
Each chapter takes the reader on a journey in the present as Cleveland walks and also into the past as she reflects on her upbringing within her family, the church and society. How she grew up feeling unloved by God, unseen and not looked after. Each chapter also introduces the reader to a Black Madonna, each one Cleveland encounters along her pilgrimage.
It was when I read Chapter 5 and Cleveland introduced us to ‘She who cherishes our hot mess’, the Black Madonna Our Lady of the Sick in Vichy, that I got it into my head I needed to go see this one for myself.
Now I’ve seen the Black Madonna in Le Seu, Barcelona. Even climbed a mountain to see the Black Madonna of Montserrat, just outside Barcelona. But this time, this need felt different. A lot has changed for me since I’ve last seen these Black Madonnas and a lot more life experiences to heal from/ through/ round/over/in.
The Black Madonna of Vichy was decapitated during the French Revolution but the people who were oppressed loved her. They tracked down her head and built her new body out of walnut and put her back together again.
I love this story and it spoke deeply to my soul because I know what it feels like to be separated from my body in an act to fit in. To be disconnected from my body, living in just my mental space and not listening to my physical pains and discomforts but soldiering on. Denying my needs and wants as these are seen as weaknesses, produce feelings of shame and are not welcome here. Squeezing myself into smaller and smaller spaces so as not to take up any room and apologising for the space I do take up.
Been there, done that. Now I intentionally practice being with/in my body. I enjoy an embodied presence in the present. My head has been reattached to my body and I’m allowing my body to lead the way with practice. I’m no lover afraid to express my needs and wants or to walk away if these are not being met.
So once I realised I was definitely coming to Paris this year, I made the arrangements to go that extra mile or two ( well 450 round trip) to see ‘She who cherishes our hot mess’ in the flesh.
It would involve a 3 hour train journey each way. An over night stay and a little hope skip and a jump up to the Notre Dame des Malades, the new church where she stands.
And for a minute there I thought the church was locked …
I’ll leave it here for now because trying to see this Black Madonna turned into a bit of a crusade to see her again and again during my time in Paris. More to follow!
I’ve been reading. When I read, I feed my wonder and imagination. When I read, I fill up with ideas and dreams and plans.
Reading expands my mind and expands my understanding of the world I navigate.
I cannot stress or emphasise enough how much my world has been rocked or even burnt down since my reading and continued reading of Fugitive Feminism by Akwugo Emejulu.
This isn’t like anything I’ve read before because it goes against everything I’ve been trying to do for the last 50 years; to prove the humanity of Black people, of myself so we can finally be accepted and loved.
But what if we’ll never be accepted? Never be accepted as human beings because who gets to claim humanity is bound up with whiteness, bound up with white supremacy culture?
What if being a human is a construct and is defined by those with the power and was never constructed to allow us, people of the global majority to be as such?
So if I claim non-human what are the possibilities for my being?
This is where I’m heading. This is the space I’m navigating now. I’m making changes from the inside out. In a cellular level this speaks truth and blessings to me. How I {BE} is changing and it includes a whole more ‘fuck offs’. Well that’s how it’s shown up my so far!
Living Wild Studios 