After this website went live last week, I retreated from the public realm. Being seem, being out there became too uncomfortable.
I was training in Scotland to become a Woodland Leader and that was intense. But I also felt exposed and vulnerable after crowing about a website in the making and then delivering the goods. I had built up expectations. And even though it wasn’t all that the site will be, it still took a lot of courage to create it and set it free. There’s energy that is expended in the task of creation as well as in the worrying around it.
I know I posted on Instagram about these mixed feelings this week. Hopeful expectations as well as fears and doubts. Hoping that what I created was good enough. Not sure how to handle it if it is good.
Feedback so far on the site has been positive. Thank you.
At the moment, I’m just settling in. It’s like I’ve set out my stall. Showing you all what I’ve done and can do, but not offering any opportunities to buy anything yet.
I’m working on my offerings as I have big dreams for Living Wild Studios. Yes I’ve got to develop them, coordinate things a bit first. However, my fears have created further resistance again. My inner critic is turned up to the max, questioning who am I to think anyone would want to work with me? What could I offer that’s different to what someone ekse is offering?
My inner critic feeds on fear. I recognise her and accept her. For now I know, if she’s screaming loudly, it means I’m on the right path. It means I’m pushing myself out of my comfortable zone, listening to my heart and allowing my soul to shine. Yes it’s scary but it’s authentic.
As Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, “Fear is always triggered by creativity, because creativity asks you to enter into realms of uncertain outcome. This is nothing to be ashamed of. It is, however, something to be dealt with.”
I’m dealing with it by politely saying thank you to my inner critic for having my back. And then go ahead and create anyway. Watch this space.